More Than Words
by beautifully8broken
Summary: Naomi and Emily met randomly, five years later they are still the best of friends, until Emily announces her engagement... Rubbish summary but give it a try please
1. Chapter 1

It's the final day of school, the final party, the last time that I'm gonna spend with most of the people currently in this house and boy am I making sure I use this time wisely.

Everybody is pretty wasted. Katie Fitch decided to throw the closing party of the school year, and the place is packed.

Katie's house has about six bedrooms, three bathrooms, a huge kitchen, a huge living room, an attic bedroom, a pool, a pool house... and the place is heaving.

So I would say it is pretty acceptable for me to assume that the entire year is here.

I am well known at this school for being the only lesbian in our year. I find it highly amusing because I can honestly say that I get more action than anybody else in this school. Stupid girls trying to decide if they are gay, straight, or simply wanting to experiment.

This past year has been a good one.

Claire, one of the resident hotties from our school, is a little wasted. I walk towards the kitchen, coincidentally walking past her, only her arm stops me from making it towards the kitchen. "Meet me in the attic bedroom" She whispers in my ear. I smile at her, nod and then continue to get a drink. I have a quick shot of vodka and watch as Claire makes her way up the stairs.

So as not to inspire prying eyes I wait a few minutes before I follow her.

There are a sea of drunken students lining the stairs, most passed out, some making out and others throwing up. I chuckle to myself, Katie is gonna be so pissed off in the morning. Bless.

The narrow wooden stairs that lead to the dark bedroom have already been pulled down, I grab the handle, trying to steady myself as I think the vodka has gone straight to my head. I get up the stairs safely and pull them back up with me, submerging the room in darkness. I fumble trying to find my way to the bed, and I manage it, but also stubbing my toe.

I hold in the curse that was about to follow and climb into the bed. I can feel the warmth radiating from the body next to me. I inwardly smile as Claire seems to have her back to me. I wrap my arm around her stomach and start kissing her neck.

I think I startled her as she jumps up out of the bed and hits me with something, "Jesus, that hurt" I shout out, grabbing my head, but she successfully hits me again, knocking me off the bed and I land in a heap on the floor. "Fuck!" I shout, and then she turns the lights on, "Jesus Claire, I'm not into the rough stuff" I laugh as I stand up, but then suddenly my eyes almost pop out of my head, "Fuck, I'm so sorry Katie, I thought you were someone else" I laugh, although she doesn't look impressed.

"Who the fuck are you and what are you doing in my bedroom?" Is the reply from the redhead that I have gone to school with for the past five years.

"Katie, it's me, Naomi. You know, been going to the same school for the last five years" I say, "God you must be wasted" I laugh,

"I'm not Katie, I'm Emily"

"Emily?" I ask,

"Yes, Katie's twin"

"Katie's what now?" Ok, double shock... "Are you fucking with me?" I laugh and point at her,

"No, I am Emily, Katie's twin, I go to a different school than you both do"

"Wha-"

"It's true" Ok, now she's laughing.

"I'm really sorry... I honestly did think you were someone else... Ok this is embarrassing" I stand up and scratch my head, holding my hand out, "Naomi Cambell" I introduce myself,

"Emily Fitch" She shakes my hand,

"Nice to meet you" I smile.

"I would say likewise, but you did just groped me" She chuckles,

"I'm ever so sorry, I don't normally just jump into complete strangers' beds and grope them, it's not my style" I grin, "I'm assuming I'm off the hook as you're smiling and you haven't attacked me with probably the worlds hardest pillow again" She smiles,

"Yeah, I guess so" She sits back down on the bed,

"So why aren't you down there with the party?"

"It's not my school and I don't fancy having to explain to people all night that Katie and I are twins, not my idea of fun, you know?" She smiles,

"Yeah, well you had to explain thoroughly to me" I laugh nervously.

"Yeah"

"So what school do you go to?" I ask, sitting on the end of her bed,

"Just to let you know, I'm not gay... and I have a boyfriend so you've got no chance with me I'm afraid" She states,

"I wasn't trying anything love, trust me, you'd know if I was" I smile.

"Good" A few seconds of awkward silence follows,

"So... school?" I ask again,

"Oh, right. I go to the grammar school just outside town"

"Oh... so you're really clever then?"

"Well, smarter than Katie, yes" She smiles, "I wouldn't consider myself clever, I just study hard and don't really party"

"So you're Katie's identical twin but you are completely the opposite"

"Yup"

"I like it" I smile.

And that's how it started. Five years later after I mistakenly got into bed with Emily and we're still best friends. We ended up staying up all night talking about everything really. Talking about our families, about our future, what college we're going to, all those things. It turns out that she was going to our college, so she couldn't escape the questions from people anyway.

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	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for your comments :D

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Chapter two

We're both 21 now, Emily has just been hired at her old grammar school as an English teacher. I have just bagged myself a job at the local newspaper. Nothing fancy, but hey, I'm doing what I've always wanted to do.

"I think a big piss up is in order my dear" I say to Emily as we meet up for our lunch,

"And why is that?"

"Well, things are going really well with work for the both of us, and why shouldn't we drink to our health" I smile,

"Why not?"

"Oh, and it is Friday" I say, stuffing some salad into my mouth,

"You know, one of these days you're actually gonna choke if you carry on shoving food in your mouth like that... and it's gross"

"I'm hungry, I haven't eaten since like, 8 this morning" She laughs at me,

"Awww poor baby" We're silent for a little while, contently enjoying each other's company, Emily breaking it of course, "So how's things with erm... Catherine?"

"The usual... she's fun when I'm bored, clingy when I'm not. I think I'm gonna fuck her off"

"Would it kill you to have a serious relationship?"

"Yup, and I'm too young to die" I stick my tongue out at her, she simply rolls her eyes, "Babes, you cannot possibly judge me"

"Why is that?"

"Well for the past five years you have had three serious relationships, zero one night stands, zero chance meetings and a hell of a lot of misery" She shrugs her shoulders,

"I don't do one night stands"

"I hadn't noticed, honestly"

"Well you can't judge me for just having relationships rather than casual sex"

"Course I can. I'm always the one who picks up the pieces of your broken heart when those relationships ended. I'm too young to settle down. But maybe one day if I meet the right girl, I will, but until then I'm not gonna try and find Miss Perfect, because I see it as she'll find me one day"

"You're so arrogant" She says smiling,

"It's not arrogance"

"What is it then?"

"Me... all me" I grin. She shakes her head, "I'll have you know girls fall for arrogance, trust me, it worked with you"

"I fell in friendship with you" She laughs,

"Friendship is stronger than love dear, so technically you did fall for my charms"

"I suppose"

"So tonight? We going to our usual place?"

"Bell's? Sure... I have some news for you anyway"

"Oh, do tell"

"Nope, gonna tell you and Katie tonight"

"Aww you can't do that to me, you know I'm impatient"

"Well you'll have to be patient" I groan, but I fear some harsh pouting and puppy dog eyes aren't going to work as I've got to be back to work shortly, damn.

"Ok, but I'm not happy" I point at her,

"You're never happy" I feign shock,

"That is such a lie!"

"What ever, drama queen"

"Anyway, gotta go, can't be late after my first week at work, huh?" I kiss her on the cheek, give her some money for my dinner and leave, trying to figure out what she has to tell me later...

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	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for the comments :D. This was originally a short chapter, but I put two chapters together cause well, it was too short. Please comment :D

Oh and yes it is loosely based on Made Of Honor, only its not actually the same lol.

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Chapter three

The pub is in full swing, everybody laughing and generally having a good time. I made it here early, bringing Catherine with me, and I'm already beginning to regret that decision, she is getting on my tits.

Literally, she won't leave me alone.

I spot Emily walking in, well I spot her hair, and I make my way over to her, "Thank God" I smile, giving her a hug. Freddie is behind and Katie a little further away talking to JJ. "No Effy?"

"Not tonight, she's got work early tomorrow so she couldn't make it" Emily says, Freddie hugs me as we all make our way to the bar. Freddie and Emily have been dating for the past year. One of her boyfriends that I actually like.

"Drink?" He shouts in my ear as the bar staff turn the music up. I nod, he already knows what drink to get me, vodka and lemonade.

I go sit with Catherine who looks mildly pissed off that I left her, "Sorry babes, had to greet them and we needed to keep the table" I smile as we get back. Emily, Katie, Freddie and JJ all take a seat and I'm anxiously awaiting this news. "Well" I say, and Emily looks at Freddie, who grins like a Cheshire cat, she squeals and stands up,

"I wanted us all to get together tonight because Freddie and I have some news" Oh god, she's pregnant. "We're getting married!" She screams

Woah... Was not expecting that... ok... why do I suddenly feel nauseas, my mouth has gone dry, my heart has actually stopped beating... my palms are sweating and I feel as if I'm gonna panic...

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit...

SHIT.

It can't be... No... "Naomi" Emily looks at me, confusion lacing her face, "Everything ok?"

"Yeah... yeah... Just surprised" She smiles and I plaster the fakest smile ever as she hugs me, "Congratulations" She squeezes me,

"I'm so happy" She says in my ear, and I feel like crying...

"I'm happy for you" I smile, "I really am"

I'm in love with my best friend...

And I've only just realised it...

Shit.

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After getting completely smashed at Bell's after Emily's news, having frantic sex with Catherine, then dumping her, I finally allowed myself to catch my breath, to figure out exactly when it happened.

I narrowed it down to the first day I met her.

When she attacked me with that pillow, the way her hair fell in her face as she tried to explain who she was, her quick wit... just everything that made her, Emily.

Her dark dark eyes that say so many things, so many things. I can read them like a book, knowing when she's sad, when she's happy, when she's worried, when she's confused. I know her better than she knows herself.

And I love her more than anything...

Now I don't know how to act around her though, I fumble, I fret. Worrying that I'm being too obvious, too needy, too clingy, too... loving.

Yet at the same time I long to touch her, to see if I cause any kind of reaction, hoping that she feels what I feel when our skin accidently brushes against each other. I study her, study her with Freddie, she does seem to be completely in love. So does he.

"What's gotten into you?" she asks at our usual lunch dates, "You're weird"

"Why am I?" I fumble with my fork, her question taking me by surprise,

"You're distant... have I said something?"

"No, no... course not. I'm just stressed with work"

"What's up?"

"They keep giving me obits to write and I know I can do better than those"

"You gotta start somewhere Nim" I smile at her nickname, she hasn't called me that for a long time, "You'll get there, trust me" she smiles at me, and I can't stop myself from becoming captivated, from indulging in her smile, in her kind eyes. But I have to stop, I have to pull away from her, it'll only kill me faster.

"Yeah I know"

"I have something to ask you" She seems excited, "Now you can say no if you want to, but I hope you don't"

"No pressure then" I chuckle a little,

"Will you be my Maid of honour?" I smile, but that smile masks something a lot deeper. I can't disappoint her,

"Course I will" She stands up and comes round the table to give me a hug, I loosely place my arms around her waist,

"Thank you, thank you, thank you" She repeats, shaking me a little from her excitement. She pulls away and grins,

"You don't have to thank me, you know I'd do anything for you" I smile sadly,

"I know" She grins wider, "That's why I love you" oh if only it was the same way... if only.

"When are you planning on getting married?"

"In about a month... Freddie wants a summer wedding, and you know how shit the weather is here and you're pretty much guaranteed sunshine in july so"

"July? That's only a couple of weeks away"

"I know, it's exciting right?"

"Yeah" She's beaming and it's killing me. She's my best friend for fuck sake, I should be happy for her. I need to be happy for her. I need to get over this.

Except I don't know where to start. "Will you book next week off work, as you are officially my maid of honour we're gonna get everything sorted out next week, my dress, your dress, the bridesmaids, the venue, everything"

"Sure" Kill me now.

She squeals, "I can't wait!" I just smile and continue eating my dinner.

This has to stop, it has to end, even though I only found out a few days ago, I need to stop it, for my own sanity.

I need help... But I can't talk to anybody about it. I can't tell any of our friends, because well, they are Emily's friends also. I definitely can't talk to Katie about it, she'll kill me. Freddie is most definitely out of the picture. Cook? Hmmm, nah, Cook and Freddie aren't talking so he'll probably use this to his advantage...

Effy? Maybe.

JJ? "Definitely"

"Definitely what?" Emily asks, looking as me as if I've just grown another head,

"Sorry, I didn't mean to say that outloud"

"I noticed as we weren't actually talking" She chuckles, and I blush. "What you on about?"

"I uh... came up with a plan for your hen night"

"Oh god, nothing too extravagant" she cringes,

"Would I?"

"Yes" She laughs, "I don't even know when I'm having it"

"Leave that all up to me" I wink. "I am the maid of honour after all" I really tried for that to come out happy, for it not to sound bitter, but I knew it did. She didn't react to it though. Thank god.

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	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for the comments, really made my day :D

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Chapter four

'_JJ, I need you... x' _That's all that was needed and within five minutes he was round at my place.

"What's up?" I don't even need to greet him as I answer the door, he just smiles sympathetically and gives me one of JJ's hugs.

Let me tell you, JJ gives the best hugs. He's grown about a foot in the last few years so he towers over me, his big protective arms wrapping around my small frame, enveloping me in love and care. He makes any situation feel much, much better with a simple hug.

Except this one.

"Come on, I'll make you a cuppa" He smiles as he walks straight into the kitchen, knowing exactly where everything is, making me another of his specialities, his cup of teas, yum. "So, tell me, what's up?"

"Emily"

"What about Ems?"

"I need you to promise me that you will never ever tell anybody this, or I will forever suspend my services as a friend"

"I promise" He's changed a lot over the past years, he's on medication that stops him from locking on, so when he says that he promises, I know he means it.

"I'm in love with Emily" That's the first time I have ever said that aloud, and it completely and utterly unnerved me. Him, not so much. "JJ! Did you hear me?! I am in love with my best friend!" I shout, getting a little angry that he hasn't particularly reacted at all. Ok, now he's laughing, "Don't you fucking laugh, I'm being serious"

"Oh I don't doubt it for a second that you're being serious, I'm just surprised it's taken you this long to finally realise it"

"You knew?" I breathe,

"It's kind of obvious dear"

"But... but... does-"

"Obvious to everyone but Emily of course" I breathe a sigh of relief.

"What am I gonna do?"

"What you've done for the past five years. Let her be happy"

"I only found out I felt this way in this last week, how the hell can I carry on feeling like this"

"Do you want a nice answer or a horrible answer?"

"Both" I say as I take a long sip of my tea, instantly feeling a little better. Damn it JJ, do you put weed in here or something!?

"Well, the nice answer, never tell Emily how you feel. Be as good a friend as you have been these past years and be there for her, support her, but don't take advantage of your friendship, it will only ruin it"

"Nasty?"

"Shamelessly use somebody to get over Emily and then refer back to the nice answer"

"I like that" I smile.

"I thought you might" He smiles crookedly at me.

"You're planning something aren't you?" I say, pointing my finger at him,

"Nope, just looking out for you that's all. It's a lose lose situation I'm afraid. But honestly, what did you really think was going to happen? You would tell Emily how you feel and she'd dump Freddie and you'd live happily ever after?"

"Maybe"

"Don't be so naive Naomi, for a start she isn't gay"

"I've converted people before" I say ignorantly

"No, you've had sex with straight girls who wanted to try gay for a little while" I just frown at him for being right, bastard. "Emily is with Freddie, and there is nothing you can do about it"

"I know"

"I don't mean to be hurtful, so don't misinterpret it that way, you just need somebody to tell it to you straight"

"I know, thank you JJ, I knew you'd be best to go to" He smiles smugly,

"Now, crack open something stronger will you woman, I'm parched" Oh yeah, he drinks now. I laugh, getting the bottle of vodka out of the freezer and two shot glasses out of the cupboard.

I finally know what to do now, all I need is to find the girl I'm going to use shamelessly. Night at Bell's I think.

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Straightners, hairspray, eyeliner, mascara, an outfit to die for and a bottle of vodka.

Everything a girl on a mission needs.

Half a bottle of vodka later and I'm on my way down to Bell's. For some people they would be well on their way for drinking that amount, but for god only knows how many years vodka has been my drink, so I'm kind of immune to its effects.

Well for the first half a bottle anyway.

It's Thursday night, a night that I haven't been out on in a long time; Gay night at Bells.

Your typical cliché, gay couple, singles, cheesy songs and alcohol.

The worlds greatest combination.

You know you've picked the right outfit when as soon as you walk in you gather a few admiring looks. I think I'm on a winner tonight. I walk up to the bar and greet Hannah, the barmaid. "No Emily?" She shouts over the music,

"Not tonight, I'm all alone" I pout sarcastically and she just raises her eyebrows,

"That won't last long" She smirks as she spots a brunette walking over to me. I turn around,

"Oh my god, Effy!" I shout. I give her a big hug and she smiles, "What you doing out tonight?"

"Fancied a change"

"Drink?" She nods. We grab our drinks and then go for the nearest empty table.

"So what's up?" Effy asks,

"Nothing, just need to take my mind off a few things"

"I haven't seen you here for a few weeks"

"You come every week?"

"Yeah, it's a great night"

"But, you're not gay... are you?"

"Nooo, I just know a few people here and it's always a good laugh"

"Ah."

"So are you wanting to take somebody home tonight?"

"Uh..." I blush,

"I'll leave you to it then" She smiles as she walks toward the bar, motioning for her friend to come over.

I glance around the pub and there are a few good looking girls here tonight, but almost all of them are together.

"Hey" A husky voice startles me, she laughs gently, "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you jump" I smile as I see her sparkling green eyes across the table,

"No problem" I reach my hand across, "I'm Naomi"

"Jessica" She takes my hand and squeezes it gently, "Is your girlfriend coming back?"

"She's not my girlfriend" I smile,

"Oh" So does she. "Wanna dance?"

"Sure" I stand up and hold my hand out for her, she grabs it and we make our way over to the dance floor, as if on cue, the most common song at any gay night/venue comes on, I'm sure you will know which one I'm talking about, but for the slow ones, I Kissed A Girl. I chuckle to myself. We find some room inbetween all the kissing girls on the dance floor and really get into the music.

Thankfully this isn't the original version, cause that was totally killed by the amount of times you heard the fucking thing, it's a dance remix. We start off with a little distance but as the beat intensifies our bodies gradually move closer until we are dancing as one.

My hand wraps around her waist pulling her that little bit closer. Her arm falls around my neck, I'm slightly taller so it works to my advantage as I dip my head down and gently kiss her neck.

She throws her head back gently, welcoming my lips. My free hand reaches up and gently squeezes her collar bone, slowly working its way up to the other side of her neck. My lips still caressing the beautiful curve, until they gradually want more. The move to her lips, I take her bottom lip between my teeth and bite gently, succeeding in making her groan. I pull away, hoping that she does exactly what I think she's going to do...

And she does.

She follows my lips, begging for me to kiss her. I may be a bit of a whore, but that doesn't mean I'm evil. I brush a strand of hair behind her ear and moisten my lips slightly. I slowly lean in, feeling her warm breath against my lips, I smile before I finally close in, kissing her soft lips, gently running my tongue against her lips, asking for entrance, it doesn't take her long to grant me it, in fact she grants it hungrily, her tongue colliding with mine

"Take a breath" I hear a familiar voice shout from somewhere, I frown but I don't stop.

"You not eaten today Nim?" Ok, now I definitely know who that is, but I'm ignoring her.

"Just leave her babes, she's having a uh... good time"

"Pervert" I hear her shout and I laugh a little. Jessica pulls away and frowns,

"Sorry I can just hear my stupid ass of a best friend and her boyfriend" She smiles, her lips beautifully red from the kiss.

"It's ok, you can go and see them" She smiles,

"You gonna come with?" She smiles wider,

"Sure" Fuck sake Naomi!!! You're supposed to be trying to get over her not introduce your new shag piece to her.

"Hey guys, Jess this is Emily and her fiancé Freddie, and guys this is Jessica" She smiles pleasantly and shakes bother their hands.

We spend the rest of the evening together, and I must say that I think meeting Jessica is probably one of the best idea's I've had, she's great. She's so funny and smart, oh and did I mention fucking gorgeous.

"You're going so soon?" Emily asks, slightly drunk,

"Yeah, Me and Naomi need to get ahem, more acquainted" I grin as I hear this, then look towards Emily, who needless to say doesn't look to happy. I give Freddie a hug and then Emily,

"I'll be fine, don't worry" She smiles as I pull away, only a smile I've never seen before.

"You haven't forgotten to book next week off work?" Emily shouts as we both leave, hand in hand.

"Nope" I shout back,

"Ok, see ya" She shouts again.

Great night.

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	5. Chapter 5

Thanks again for the comments. I have absolutely no idea where I am taking this, my fingers just type and then I post lol... Do comment :D

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Chapter five

I'd like to tell you that Jess and I went back to mine and did the dirty deed, but shockingly, all we did was talk.

We spoke of our families, our friends, our lives, everything.

It was better than sex.

Without meaning to sound corny, but we made a real connection, she's easy to talk to, easy to get along with and just great fun to be around.

Needless to say, we swapped numbers. I would love to say that I have stopped thinking about Emily, that I've stopped pining, stopped hurting, but truth is, I'm hurting all the more, because well, today is day one of our expedition toward to perfect wedding.

"Get your arse outta bed Mrs, we're going shopping in an hour so be ready for 9 and I'll come and pick you up" Was the message that woke me up this morning. I groan as I get out of bed and straight into the shower, 8am is far too early to get up to go shopping for Christ's sake.

I practically fall asleep in the shower, I was up most of the night texting Jess. A small smirk falls on my face as I replay the previous Friday's events. I switch the shower to cold, quickly wash my hair and then get out.

I wipe the condensation off the mirror and stare at myself for a minute. This is too easy.

I'm filled with happy thoughts when I think about Jess, but when it comes to my best friend, all I feel is complete and utter misery. It can't have happened this fast... It simply can't.

In the space of a couple of weeks I've realised I'm in love with my best friend and then fallen out of love with her.

Maybe it wasn't love... maybe jealousy... maybe I finally realised that I wanted more than a one night stand, maybe Emily and Freddie made me realise this...

"Towel, please for god sake... TOWEL!" I jump as I hear Emily quickly close the door.

"Shit... fuck you're early" I shout as I grab a towel and wrap it around myself. I open the door and I see Emily stood with her hand covering her eyes, "I'm no longer naked you can look now" She spreads her fingers and looks through them, then letting her hand fall.

"Next time door closed and locked, oh and a fucking towel"

"Stop moaning woman, you're early, you have your own key and you could have knocked before entering so shut it"

"Woah, somebody is a bit grumpy this morning"

"Sorry, late night" I smile unconsciously,

"Oh"

"Was texting Jess til God only knows when" I say, quickly raiding my wardrobe and grabbing something to wear. I chance a glance at Emily who has turned around, waiting for me to get changed. She doesn't say anything, she appears to be eyeing up the large frame of random pictures I have of the two of us.

"I love this" She smiles,

"It's great huh?" I pull some jeans on, "I was clearing out some things the other week and I found a load of old pictures of us, I couldn't bear to part with them so I framed them"

"It's great" I walk up to her and point to a certain picture,

"This one is my favourite" It was taken a couple of years ago at a party. We were sat at a table and I'm giving Emily a funny look out of the corner of my eye while she sticks her tongue out at me barely a few inches away from my face.

"I can remember that night, such a good night" She smiles, "I like this one" She points to one of us in the park, I think Effy took it. I'm giving Emily a piggy back and Effy had zoomed in on just our faces as we were laughing.

"Yeah, that's a nice one" Emily looks away from the frame and at me, realising I'm not wearing a top her eyes widen a little and a slight blush spreads across her cheeks. I frown a little.

"So what's going on between you and Jessica?"

"I really don't know... it's different this time I think" I gush, "We haven't stopped texting each other all weekend, she's rang me a couple of times and I just feel like a teenager again"

"So what happened after you left on Friday? She a good lay?"

"I wouldn't know, but if her kisses are anything to go by, I can definitely presume that she is"

"You haven't slept with her?" She asks, shock completely evident,

"You say that like it's unheard of"

"It is"

"You make me sound like such a whore" I shout a little, jokingly of course.

"You are" I throw a pillow at her,

"That hurt, real bad" I feign pain and she just chuckles.

"Shut up you slapper" She throws the pillow back at me,

"Now that was just uncalled for, you can't judge me because I like sex and I'm good at it"

"Well I can't judge you are because I don't know if you're good at sex" She says quietly,

"Oh, trust me. I'm good" I wink at her.

Ok that is the most flirtatious thing I've said to her for the past couple of weeks and I'm loving how I'm making her squirm, "Oh my god, you're picturing it aren't you?"

"No" She says quickly,

"You so are!" I laugh as I pull a top over my head. I go to the bathroom, quickly brush my teeth and run a brush through my hair. "Ready?"

"Yup"

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"I am officially exhausted!" I say as I have a quick fag break,

"It's been an hour you fucking retard"

"What can I say, I'm just not cut out for shopping"

"No shit"

"What exactly are we looking for?"

"I wanna at least find a dress"

"We're looking in all the wrong places then"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you're looking at all the bridal shops"

"Isn't that where you get wedding dresses from?" She laughs a little,

"Yeah, you're generic ones... you want something special, something that is... you"

"Yeah"

"Come with me" I grab her by the hand and lead her away from the typical stores.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see" I keep dragging her with me, the roads suddenly getting smaller, quieter, and then empty as we approach the shop that I know she's gonna kick herself for not thinking of,

"Vintage clothing, fuck" She laughs, and then smiles widely at me,

"Now I know people would hate wearing a second hand wedding dress, but you have to admit that they made unique dresses years ago, you are most definitely going to find one here" I smile at her,

"I knew there was a reason why I made you my Maid of Honour" She smiles smugly.

"Hi, we're looking for a wedding dress, is it possible for you to show us all the ones you have" I say to the cashier,

"not a problem" She smiles politely as she leads up down to the bottom of the small shop, "You will have to dig for a really decent one, and I'm not sure if we'll have your size" She says looking towards Emily, "But at these prices you can't go wrong, especially seeing as you can hire a seamstress to fit the dress"

"Thank you" Emily smiled,

"No problem, if you need anything do let me know"

"ok, thanks again" I say. "Right, here goes" They do have quite a few dresses. All unique I must say. I was expecting a few typical ones, but I haven't spotted one yet. There is one with chains as the train, one with a very heavily floral print... i.e. gross. One with small black stars scattered across the chest, and then there's the... perfect dress for Emily.

I take it off the rack to get a better look. It's white, obviously, I run my hands along the silky texture, feeling the small beads that are spread sporadically across the chest. The train is long with elegant netting stitched at the sides. It only has one strap, but as I look at the dress, I can definitely imagine Emily looking absolutely stunning in it. I turn it around, and the icing to the cake is the white corset ties at the back of the dress. "Em" I shout,

"Hmm"

"I've found you're dress" She comes running over, her eyes widening as soon as she sees it.

"Oh my..." she gasps, "That's beautiful"

"Excuse me" I shout, the cashier comes over immediately, "Is there anywhere she can try this on?"

"Sure there is a room to your left"

"Thanks" I hand the dress to her. She smiles like an eager child. She runs to the room as I take a seat on a stool near the door.

A few minutes later and her head peeps around the door, "Can you come and help?" I stand up and walk into the room.

My breath gets lost as I see the most beautiful thing I've ever seen standing before me. My hand lifts up and clutches my heart, desperately trying to get it to start beating again, "Wow" I say.

Emily beams. "You look absolutely stunning" I say, choking a little on the emotion this has stirred up. She turns around,

"Can you tighten me up please?" I finally catch my breath and approach her. My finger runs along the fabric, gently loosening the ribbon holding the dress together.

My fingers accidently brush against her back, I feel her flinch at the touch, but ignore it. I tighten the dress, tying a small bow at her lower back. She turns around and my breath gets lost again.

"Well" My hand reaches my heart again. My mouth opens to say something, but only air comes out. She chuckles a little, "I'm guessing this is a keeper" I try to say that it is, but instead I end up nodding like an idiot, she chuckles again.

"Wow" I look into her dark brown eyes, and it's at this very moment that I want to kiss her. I've never wanted to kiss anybody as much as I want to kiss her right now. I bite my lip as I look her up and down, a vision in white, staring at me as I'm staring at her. Our eyes lock, and I feel my heart jolt back into life. I stumble a little, needing to get that little bit closer. My hand reaches up before I can even register it doing so. Gently pulling the strap on her shoulder closer to her neck. I see her roll her eyes. My hand lingers on her shoulder before I have an attack of reality, "Freddie is a lucky man" I smile before I pull away.

Emily's smile changes, "Yeah"

"I'll leave you to get changed" She nods as I walk out the door and close it behind me. Shakily sitting on the stool again. "Get a grip Naomi" I whisper to myself. "Get a grip" I say again, more sternly this time.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, I grab it out and see I have a new message from Jess, and a sudden feeling of guilt. _'Morning beautiful xx' _ Two simple words that make me regret every single thing that has happened recently. The kiss, today, Emily...

Everything's so fucking complicated.

****************


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry about the long delay, kinda had a long weekend and I've only just sobered up really lol. My apologies.

Just to let you know, I probably won't be updating as often as I do on the weekend, I'm normally down the pub consuming my weight in vodka...

Thank you for the fantastic comments, you guys are great.

****************

Chapter seven

I keep the dress at my place so Freddie doesn't take a peek. Oh how I wish he would, simply to inspire a small curse upon this wedding.

"Stop it" I reprimand myself. I need to stop this, stop all these thoughts... stop!

Emily is not mine and she never will be. Never.

You know that feeling you get when you're on a rollercoaster, your stomach dips, your heart pounds, this is exactly how I'm feeling right now. As I finally realise that I have no chance with Emily, she's getting married in a couple of weeks for fuck sake.

A knock on the door breaks me from my thoughts, "Thank fuck" I breathe out as I go to open the door. "Oh JJ, thank god" I say, as he frowns,

"What's up?"

"Oh, nothing. Just quietly going insane"

"Oh, good, I was worried" He smirks, he walks in. As he walks past me I punch him on the arm. "Ouch. And that was for?" he says rubbing his arm.

"Your stupid idea is... stupid" I smile awkwardly at my lack of the English language, "It's killing me"

"Pain is good... at least you still feel something"

"Yeah, my heart breaking"

"Don't be so melodramatic" he says, putting the kettle on.

"I'm not being melodramatic, all I want to do is fucking kiss her when I see her. Yesterday she found her wedding dress and, God, JJ she looks absolutely stunning in it, you wouldn't believe it"

"I would... I have seen Emily before you know" He smirks,

"You know what I mean" He nods, "I think I fell in love with her all over again" I say quietly,

"You've gotta stop this Naomi"

"You don't think I know that? I'm trying Jay, I really am. I met Jess, she's great she really is... but she's not her"

"Stop it Naomi!" He shouts, "Get over it" My lines purse with anger,

"You think its that fucking easy do you?"

"Well for somebody who has the ability to fuck a different girl every day, yes. I would say that it is easy for you to get over Emily, get under some poor girl"

"I've never felt this way about anybody... ever... I'm struggling with it, I don't know how to handle it and you're fucking shouting at me. It's not fair, I can't help how I feel"

"Yes you can"

"No I can't"

"I've been able to for years" He blurts out, "I've been in love with Emily for fucking years Naomi, even longer than you've known her... I manage"

"You're stronger than I am"

"Not that stronger" he says passing me my cup of tea, "Yes, it's difficult to start off with, but it gets easier.

"What are you two talking about?" The pair of us turn around so quick that I'm surprised we haven't got whiplash,

"Emily... what are you doing here?" I say, panic immediately coming over me.

"Tuesday... bridesmaid shopping" She says, as if it was common knowledge,

"Oh"

"How long have you been stood there?" JJ asks, panic written all over his face,

"About half a minute, why?" She asks, frowning,

"Nothing"

"What's going on?"

"Nothing" We both say in unison

"I'm not stupid JJ, I know something is going on" she pauses, "Were you talking about me?"

"No, no... we were talking about Naomi's... uh... new girlfriend" I scowl at JJ,

"Yeah"

"What?" She asks, her face falling, "You two are going out now?"

"Uh... yeah...kinda"

"Kinda?"

"Well I haven't actually asked her yet"

"Are you going to?" she says quickly.

"Sure" I say, taking a sip of my tea, turning around and throwing evil looks to JJ, who is simply smirking into his tea.

"Oh... well uh... let me know what she says"

"Will do"

"We ready?"

"Can I come?" JJ asks,

"No, sorry Jay, girls only" Emily says, walking towards me and linking arms, I smile sadly at JJ who nods gently,

"Ok, I better get going then" I stand up and give him a hug as he's about to leave,

"I'm gonna kill you" I whisper quietly in his ear, he squeezes me,

"You girls have fun, I'll catch you later Nome" He smiles,

"You two are getting close" Emily says as she sits at the breakfast bar,

"Yeah, we've always been close though" She nods,

"Yeah"

"So... bridesmaid dresses?" I sigh, changing the subject, she smiles widely,

"Yup, can't wait to see you all dressed up" She claps her hands together,

"Nothing with frill though" I point,

"That's what you think" She laughs,

"Kill me now" I sigh as I put my shoes on.

************

I practically collapse onto my couch after todays shopping session. Numerous dresses tried on, numerous dresses throw aside.

Eight hours of getting changed has completely knackered me!

I'd never be able to be a professional shopper.

"God you're so unfit" Emily laughs at me,

"Shh" I stick my tongue out at her,

My phone buzzes at me, I grab it out of my pocket and check the caller, my heart race picking up slightly, "Hey Jess" I smile, Emily rolls her eyes, I just stick my tongue out again,

"Hey"

"What's up"

"Was just wondering if you're busy later?"

"Nope, not busy later"

"Wanna go to the cinema?"

"Sure" I smile, "What to watch?"

"Anything, I'm not bothered"

"I tell you what, why don't we rent a movie, and have movie night at mine, I'll get some snacks, a few bottles of wine and we're sorted"

"That sounds like a plan" I can almost hear her smile through the phone, "Should I come round for about 7?"

"Sounds good to me"

"See ya then"

"See you in a little while" I smile, hanging up.

"What ya doing?" Emily asks quickly,

"Having movie night here tonight with Jess"

"Oh, sounds fun"

"Yeah, have a few bottles of wine, popcorn, chocolate, sounds fun" I grin,

"Can me and Freddie come?"

"Uh"

"I'd just like to meet Jess properly, you know, she is going out with my best friend after all" she smiles,

"Sure, I'll just text her now to let her know"

"Okies, I'll tell Freddie" I glance at the clock, it's quarter to six,

"Right well I'm gonna have a shower, get Freddie to meet us over here if you want"

"Sure"

God, tonight is going to be fun, such an awkward double date... fantastic!

****************


	7. Chapter 7

****************

Chapter seven

Emily went to the shop and bought all the alcohol, snacks and chose a handful of DVD's for us to watch.

To be honest, I wanted to just spend some time with Jess alone, We haven't really spent that much time together, let alone together and alone.

Hopefully Freddie will be his usual self and request an earlier night.

Hopefully.

I'm quickly running my straighteners through my hair as the clock nears seven. I hear Emily come in with the shopping. I finish and go and see which films she picked.

"What ya got then?"

"Well, I've got a few bottles of wine, some crisps and dip and for the films there is a choice of four."

"Right, lets have them"

"For your more scary night I've got the latest Saw and something called One Missed Call. Sounded good in the store"

"Right"

"And for more of a romantic night I've got two chick flicks. Made of Honour and Sex Drive"

"Sex Drive?" I quirk my eyebrow up, "That doesn't really sound romantic"

"Oh, it is... trust me, it's a great film"

"Ok, I'll trust you" She smiles at me. The doorbell rings, and my heart rate picks up. I run to the door, squealing a little, god I feel like such a child, but hey. "Oh, hi Freddie" He chuckles a little,

"Aww, nice to see you too Naomi" He grins, walking past me and approaching Emily. He gives her a quick peck on the lips and puts his arm around her shoulders. "I think you were expecting somebody slightly better looking" He grins, Emily nudges him in his side, "Ouch, what was that for?"

"Don't be a dick, this is a big night for Naomi" I frown at her, "Well, I mean, it's really the first time you've really gone on a date..."

"Not really"

"...with somebody you intend to see again" She says quietly,

"Oh, right. I just forgot that I'm a whore who only ever sleeps with a girl once and never sees them again, right, don't worry, I won't forget again" I say bitterly as I walk to the cupboard and get four wine glasses out.

"Woah, calm down ladies" Freddie says, holding his hands out in front of him, "What's going on?"

"Nothing" Both Emily and I say in unison, he simply looks at us as if we've gone mad. He pours us all a glass and thank fuck there is another knock at the door. I breathe a sigh of relief. I open the door and I don't have to actually fake a smile, just seeing her again makes me smile.

"You look great" I say as I give her a quick kiss on the lips and an elongated hug in the doorway.

"Thanks, you don't look so bad yourself" She smiles devilishly as she looks me up and down,

"Ok, Naomi, put her down" Freddie laughs while Emily scowls at him. Jess and I chuckle at his comment, and I finally let her actually enter my house. "I'm not sure you remember us, you were pretty wasted" Freddie says kindly, he extends his hand,

"Freddie and Emily, right?" She smiles genuinely, shaking their hands. "I hear congratulations are in order"

"Yeah, we're engaged" Emily smiles and lifts her hand up to show the ring,

"Wow, that's beautiful" She smiles, "When's the big day?"

"A week from Saturday" Freddie answers,

"So soon?" She looks a little shocked.

"Yeah. You should totally come if you're not busy" Freddie says, and I chance a glance at Emily who doesn't look so happy at the invitation. I think Emily and I are going to have an eventful evening...

After the small talk and finishing one of the wines we move into the living room. I have a huge corner sofa, Freddie and Emily sit at one side and Jess and I sit at the other. Only a foot or so away from Emily, though.

"So what we chosen?" I ask,

"Sex Drive" Emily smiles,

"Yeah, I've seen this, its funny" Jess says, "Funny and sweet"

"What's it about?" Freddie asks,

"Basically this guy is fed up of being a virgin so he starts talking to this girl on the internet, and they arrange to meet, and knowing full well that he's going to lose his virginity, he steals his brothers car and drives cross country to see her, with his two best friends... One male, one female. Need I say more?" She smiles, I wasn't really listening to what she was saying, I was studying her more. Her dirty blonde hair, her piercing green eyes, the way her mouth moved as she spoke. The huskiness of her voice. The cute mannerisms she has as she speaks, moving her hands to add emphasis to what she's saying. I must look like a love-struck teenager, and you know what, I feel like it.

"Oh, there's no point watching it now" Emily says smirking as she takes a sip of her wine.

"Emily can I have a word in the kitchen please?" I say firmly, and she looks a little scared, but obeys anyway. I give Jess a quick kiss and tell her I'll be right back. Freddie looks as confused as Jess is about how Emily is reacting, but I forget it for now. I close the door behind us and study her, she looks nervous, "What the fuck is going on?" I say, my voice hushed slightly,

"Nothing"

"Don't give me that shit, Emily. I not fucking stupid" I pause, waiting for her to say something, but she doesn't, "Do you have a problem with Jess?"

"No" She says quickly,

"Why are you acting like a fucking child then?"

"I'm not" She says, her voice picking up a little, "Stop acting superior Naomi, just because you've finally developed the balls to start a relationship with somebody" I take a step back from her, her voice sounded so full of hate as she said that sentence, it knocked me for six. I don't even bother with a reply, I simply walk away from her and walk back into the living room. Jess looks a little worried. I sit down, my hand falling on her lap,

"Nothing to worry about" I smile sadly, her eyes sympathetic as she places a delicate kiss on my lips. Freddie mouths a sorry to me and I just nod slightly.

Emily who now has a full glass of wine in her hand, knocks back her drink as she sits down. "Are we putting this film on then?" she asks, her voice indifferent. I press play on the remote and the following 100 minutes are spent in relative silence, besides from the occasional laugh. I'd turned the lights out as soon as the film started and Jess is fucking killing me!

Her hand has been laid on my thigh for probably the past 99 minutes, her thumb gently rubbing circles around my inner thigh. She knows exactly what she's doing to me. Worse yet, she's enjoying every single second of it.

I see her head turn to face me out the corner of my eye, and I see the smirk on her face. I decide to wipe it off.

I gently grab her chin and stare into those green orbs. A smile dancing on my lips an a scared expression displayed on her face, the good scared. I lean in slowly, licking my lips as I get closer, I see her eyes begin to fall shut as I close the gap. My teeth taking her bottom lip and gently biting down, she whimpers, but it's a very quiet whimper. I run my tongue across her lip and I feel her body shake slightly. My mouth opens, as does hers, and my tongue slowly reaches in and touches hers. She tightens her grip as my hand moves down to her neck. She wants to deepen the kiss, but I pull away slowly, making sure she follows me, as her eyes open, wondering where I've gone I'm sure she see's the smirk I'm now wearing, and her pupils suddenly dilate.

1-1.

"Bitch" She whispers to me and I laugh. I stand up and grab my glass,

"Anyone for more wine?" Emily and Freddie nod,

"I'll help" Jess smirks she stands up.

"Ok" I smile wide. I close the door behind us as we go to the kitchen. I grab the bottle opener and a new bottle out of the fridge. I walk to the counter and pull the cork out, pouring the glasses. I suddenly feel two hands at my waist, gripping me tightly, I turn around and I'm faced with the darkest green eyes I've ever seen in my life. I lick my lips, expecting what's coming. As if on cue her lips collide with mine. She pushes me back into the counter, hard I might add. I groan. Her hands still at my waist, working their way up. Only this time I push her to the other side of the room, grabbing the back of her legs and pushing her onto the counter.

We aren't exactly being quiet, but hey, we need to do something, even if its just rough kissing. I pull away and look at her, her beautiful panting form sat in front of me, her eyes begging for me to take her right here, right now. Oh I wish I could. "Fuck me" She says quietly, my bottom lip falls between my teeth as I bite down hard, I shake my head,

"Not now... later" I say hungrily. She looks defeated, but I kiss her again, I slow it down this time, taking my time. Until we hear a cough that is,

I don't need to tell you who it is do I?

"Erm, sorry, the films finished... I uh came to get another" Almost as soon as she comes in, she leaves with the DVDs in her hands. Her eyes not meeting with us at all.

"Shit" I say, and all Jess can do is laugh,

"I wonder how long she was stood there for?" She laughs, "I hope not too long"

"Me neither... that's a bit embarrassing"

"You were nearly fucking me on your kitchen counter love, I imagine it will take them a while to accept an offer of dinner here for a long time" She laughs,

"Yeah" I say quietly, "Maybe we should go and join them"

"Yeah I think that's a good idea" she jumps down from the counter, "Just give me a minute to collect myself" I laugh as I grab two wine glasses.

"Ok, don't be long"

I walk into the living room and instantly feel the thick atmosphere. I pass Emily her drink, she doesn't even look at me... and then I pass Freddie's he thanks me and I sit back down.

She can't be pissed, she gatecrashed tonight... fuck sake.

******************


	8. Chapter 8

******************

Chapter eight

Emily and Freddie have just left. Emily got real drunk and ended up ignoring Jess and I for most of the evening.

Note to self... have a word with Emily when she's sober.

Jess and I are pretty drunk ourselves, but I pour us another glass of wine and take it through to the living room. I sit down next to Jess and I feel that maybe I need to be honest with her.

"What's wrong?" She asks, "Is it Emily?"

"Kind of"

"Did you two used to have a thing?" She asks, I laugh bitterly and frown,

"No, we've only ever been best friends, why?"

"She just seems... jealous... really jealous" she laughs a little, "So I just assumed-" I cut her off,

"No, nothing's ever happened between the two of us. She's probably just scared of losing me that's all. But I do think I need to be honest with you" She shuffles in her seat,

"Ok, this doesn't sound good" She says, her voice deepening a little,

"That night when we first met, well. I'd found out earlier that Emily and Freddie were getting married, and I don't know... I felt something"

"You've got feelings for Emily?" I look at her sadly, and she looks away, "It's ok..."

"No, it's not. I really like you Jess, I mean Christ, haven't stopped thinking about you this past week... and I don't know, I'm confused"

"If it helps, I've just got out of a long relationship myself... so how about we don't base us on anything? We just have fun, no feelings involved?"

"There's always feelings involved" I say quietly,

"Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" She smiles, "And for the record, I really like you too, and I've been waiting for you all night to take me up to your room, so now all this is out of the way, how about you do that" She says seductively,

"I don't need asking twice" I smile widely.

**********

Without even opening my eyes, I know that I've got a slight hangover. My head is pounding, my chest feels heavy, I'm aching.

No, wait.

My chest feels heavy cause there is a blonde head resting on it. I smile, re-living last nights events.

Well, smile for the end of the evening anyway.

Jess is in a really deep sleep and I have an idea. I gently crawl out from underneath her, throw on some girl boxers and a t=shirt and go downstairs to the kitchen.

I grab out ingredients for pancakes and grab some fruit out of the fridge. Nothing like breakfast in bed after a night of amazing sex, huh?

"Oh, you're making pancakes"

"Jesus!" I turn around and shout, grabbing my chest, "I'm gonna take my key off you Emily if you carry on scaring the shit out of me like this" I say, she just laughs, "What you doing here so early?"

"Freddie told me what I was like last night, and I can't spend the rest of the day without having apologised to you... it will kill me"

"Ok"

"So, I'm sorry"

"Ok" I say, turning around, whisking the pancakes together before pouring them into the frying pan,

"Are you mad?"

"Course I'm mad Emily, there was no need for you to act like that" I say, without looking at her, "Can we talk about this later please, Jess is still in bed"

"Ok... I really am sorry Naomi" She says softly, and I roll my eyes. Fuck sake, she knows I can't stay mad at her. I take the pancakes off the heat,

"Fuck sake" I chastise, "Come here you twat" She smiles as I approach her with my arms open. Her arms wrap around my back as my arms rest of her shoulders, "I'm mad yes, but you know I can never stay mad at you for too long" I say, squeezing her tight, "Your my best friend Ems, but at the minute I have an extremely gorgeous girl lying in my bed and I'm pretty sure she's hungry, so I'm gonna make her these pancakes, a strong coffee and I'm gonna spend the morning in bed" She sighs, "OK?"

"Ok"

"So if you wanna do something this afternoon give me a ring, otherwise, your forgiven, although next time you see Jess, I expect you to apologise to her"

"I will do" She smiles sadly, "I'm sorry again"

"And stop apologising" She walks to the door, "Oh, Ems?" She turns around and nods, "Out of curiosity, why were you like that?"

"Oh, nothing... I'm just stressed about the wedding, that's all" I quirk my eyebrow, she forgets I know when she's lying, but I leave it,

"Ok, see you later" I say, turning back to my pancakes.

"Bye" She says as she leaves.

I grab a wooden tray out of the cupboard, pour two coffees and two orange juice, put the pancakes on plates and take everything up to my room. I open the door quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed, placing the breakfast at the bottom, I give Jess a small kiss on the lips, she starts to stir and her hand immediately goes to her eyes, "Morning beautiful" I smile, "Hungry?"

She sits up and smiles widely, "Breakfast in bed?" I nod, "Oh, you're a star" I smile,

"Pancakes, blueberries and strawberries, oh and syrup if you want that also" Her hand reaches up and cups my face,

"You're too good to be true" She says before kissing me quickly.

"How so?" I ask,

"Well, great kisser, amazing in bed and breakfast after!" She says happily, "I'm coming here more often" I blush,

"Is that a promise, or a threat" I laugh lightly, she hits me on my arm gently,

"I missed out charmer on purpose you know" She smiles, grabbing a plate of pancakes and tucking in. She pats the bed beside her and I climb in and grab a plate.

********

We've finally got out of bed at dinner. "Oh, by the way..." I say, sipping out of my coffee, "I'm gonna organise Emily's hen night for this Friday, I figure she's got the weekend to recover and she's not gonna wanna do it next Friday with her wedding the day after, do you wanna come?"

"I'm not sure that's a good idea" She says, "She hardly knows me and I think she'll be a little pissed if I'm there hogging all your attention"

"She won't" She quirks her eyebrows up, "Ok, maybe she will but... I want you to be there" She leans across the table and kisses me,

"That's very sweet of you, but I'll give it a miss"

"You sure?"

"Yeah, you have fun with your friends and I'll see you on Saturday" I smile widely,

"Ok"

******************

Ok, it's Wednesday, that leaves me two days to plan the hen night. Obviously we're gonna have it at Bell's. I text Emily, '_Don't plan anything for Friday, it's a surprise xx' _ I smile as she just texts me back saying ok. I grab my phone, "Effy, get your arse round mine now, we're planning Emily's hen night"

"Ok, I'll be right over" I hang up and call Katie, then Pandora. Within half an hour we're all here.

"So, I've rang Bell's and they're gonna book a disco, nothing like cheesy music for a hen night"

"Sounds good" Katie grins,

"We need hats, those over the shoulder things, L plates, and decorations for the pub, am I missing anything?" I ask,

"What about other entertainment?" Katie winks,

"We're not getting a stripper" I say grinning, "She'll hate it"

"No she won't" Katie says grinning, "And if she does, well there is somebody going to that party who looks exactly like her"

"Ok, you're a pervert" I grin, "But you're booking the stripper"

"Deal"

"Effy?" She shakes her head, "Panda?"

"What about board games, that'll be whizzer, maybe get twister, we'll all go bonkers!" She says in her over-enthusiastic way, I look at Effy and stifle a laugh,

"Ok, you can arrange that"

"Oh, what about drugs?" Effy asks, "I can get cook to get us some MDMA"

"Sure, you organise that then, and I'll go shopping tomorrow to get the other bits and bobs, anything you can all chip in will be great" They all dig into their purses and put some notes on the table.

I love a good night out, can't wait for Friday now!

*************


	9. Chapter 9

*************

Chapter nine

"_I'll meet you in an hour at Bell's' _ I text Emily. It's 6pm already and I'm down Bell's setting up.

The disco's all sorted, the tables, the DJ is arriving shortly all that needs to be done is the decorations. "Naomi" Katie shouts as she walks in, a box in her hand.

"Katie, thank fuck, I'm panicking" she looks around,

"You've only got the decorations to sort out, that won't take long, and I'm here to help"

"I'm glad I got ready before I came down" I sigh, "What's in the box?"

"A cake"

"Awww, nice thinking"

"Take a look" She smiles widely, I lift the lid up and have to swallow the vomit that suddenly rises up in my through, on the cake is a cheesy picture of Emily and Freddie, underneath it says, 'To happily Ever Afters' "Cute huh?" She smiles giddily.

"Yeah, lovely" I smile, I turn around, "Tony!" I shout the landlord, "Give me some vodka please" He smiles as he pours me a double vodka and lemonade. I take a sip, "Ahhh, that's much better. Now, these decorations" Katie is tolerable, but the only reason I tolerate her is because of Emily.

I suppose I'll have to tolerate her a lot tonight. Vodka will help.

Panda and Effy arrive about half an hour later, I kit them out in their hen night gear and get them blowing up balloons. It looks a tacky, but then again, hen nights are supposed to be tacky!

'_I'm on my way, see you in five xx' _ My phone buzzes in my pocket,

"Guys, five minutes, she's on her way" I shout, laughing as I see a blue faced panda struggling to blow a balloon up,

"I'm gonna faint" She says, swaying a little.

"Stop then, twat" I laugh, Effy just smirks her usual smirk, while Katie laughs.

I have a quick cigarette, occasionally glancing up the road to see if I can see Emily. I drop my cigarette to the floor, stamping on it and look up the road once more, I see her. I run back inside,

"Ok she's here, right, all of us hide and jump out to surprise her"

"Ok" Everybody says. I hide behind the door, and the others hide somewhere else in the bar. I the door opens slowly and I see a flash of red hair, "Surprise!" I shout as I jump out, startling her, the others jump out screaming surprise, but as soon as Emily looks at me, she bursts into tears. I frown at the others as I go to embrace her, "Emily, hun, what's wrong?"

She grips my back tightly, "Emily" I say, Panda, Effy and Katie come rushing over.

"Freddie and I had a huge fight" She says inbetween sobs,

"Oh, no. What about?" I ask,

"It doesn't matter" She waves her hand as she steps away from my embrace, she glances around the pub, "Awww thanks guys, this is great" She says, smiling.

"I don't mean to make you worse, but" Katie starts, "The wedding is still on, right?"

"Yeah, yeah... just had a fight that's all" She says, "Come on, lets get fucked up" She says, walking to the bar. "Vodka, give me your biggest glass and fill it with vodka and lemonade please" She says to Tony who just nods his head and does as she says.

"Come on, lets's get the music going!" Katie shouts. I'm imagining she's already well on her way.

**********

An hour and a half later, and we're all pretty wasted. Well, I say all, I mean everybody but me. We've been dancing for the past half an hour to your classic dance songs, Cotton Eye Joe, Saturday Night, Macarena, YMCA. The best cheese ever! I had to get a breather as it's getting a little hot, I'm sat on the step outside Bell having a cigarette.

"Thanks" Emily says softly as she sits down next to me, "For tonight, I mean"

"Don't be silly, I'm your Maid of Honour, it's my duty" I smile, nudging her a little. "So are you gonna tell me what happened with Freddie, the wedding isn't still on is it?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure it is" She says, waving her hand again,

"Emily" I say, raising my eyebrow. She bites her lip,

"No..." she sighs, gripping the step with her hands, "I just didn't want to spoil tonight, I mean you made so much effort"

"Don't be silly" I say, trying to comfort her, "Look" I say, wrapping my arm around her shoulder, pulling her close, "Have your fun tonight, do whatever you want, cause I guarantee that you and Freddie will be back on by this time tomorrow"

"Really"

"Yeah, of course. I mean it's a silly argument, you're getting married next week for god sake" I say laughing, "It's gonna take more than an argument to break you two up" Her head nuzzles into my neck,

"Thanks"

"Don't mention it, another of my duties" I smile, "Now come on, I'm not nearly as drunk as I oughta be"

"No, you're not" Emily laughs, I stand up and pull her up, we go back inside and burst into laughter as we see Katie busting some moves on the dance floor, "At least I got the rhythm" She laughs,

"I give it an hour before she passes out" I say.

*******

Three hours later, a hell of a lot more vodka and some MDMA and we're actually getting kicked out of our own party for being too rowdy. "You have officially lost our business, forever" I point at Tony as he escorts us off the premises, he just smiles, "I mean it" I say as I stumble backwards a little. I see Effy walking off down the street, well, stumbling down the street, "Hey, where are you going!" I shout,

"To have a little fun" She turns around and grins,

"She is so off to see Cook!" I tell Emily.

"Oh, no Effy, don't!" Emily shouts, Effy just waves and turns around, walking backwards,

"Thank you my beautiful ladies for such an amazing evening!" She says, blowing us all kisses. Right before she falls flat on her arse.

"I'm not ready to go home yet" Emily says, grabbing hold of my waist, "I need more vodka!"

"I have some more at mine" I answer,

"Ohhh, sounds like a plan!" Our giggling forms are startled to hear somebody throwing up down the alley behind Bell's. We laugh as we approach the shadows and eventually see Katie throwing up while Panda holds her hair back.

"I've called Thomas, he's coming to pick us up in five, do you guys want a lift home?"

"Actually we're going to to Naomi's for more alcohol, you coming?"

"Nah, I think I'll go home" She says,

"I'll come!" Katie screams,

"No, I think you need to get home" Emily says, smirking at her elder sister for being such a lightweight.

"Who'd of thought, Sensible Emily Fitch getting completely hammered and out drinking her sister" I laugh,

"Hey, I always out drink my sister"

"True"

"Are you ok with Katie or do you want us to wait, cause I really need to pee" I ask Panda,

"No, I'll be fine, you two get off, Thomas will be here shortly, he will give you a lift you know?"

"No, it's ok, I'm only up the road" I say to Panda,

"Ok, thanks for tonight, bonkers night" She says grinning,

"Yeah, it was" I smile, "Come on you, lets get you more vodka" I say, grabbing Emily's hand,

"Bye Panda!" She shouts as we walk away.

"So, how come you didn't bring Jess tonight?" She asks as we are slowly walking towards my house,

"I did invite he, but she said that you'd be a bit annoyed if she came cause I'd be ignoring you and paying attention to her" She laughs,

"Smart girl"

"Hey!" I slap her, "As if I'm gonna ignore you on your bloody hen night, stupid"

"Well, it wasn't technically a hen night seeing as there isn't a wedding anymore"

"Shh, don't talk like that" I say, she hesitates,

"I don't think there will be a wedding"

"Why not?" I look at her, and her gaze falls on me, she looks at me like she's never looked at me before, and it scares me, it scares me so much,

"Just that... I... I" She swallows, "I need more vodka" She lets go of my hand, "Come on, quick, it's only a minute away"

"I'm coming" I say, frowning, wondering what she was just going to say, and why suddenly my heart is aching like it's never ached before...

"I thought you needed to pee"

"I do"

"So get a move on then" I do as I'm told and practically jog to my house.

"You know where everything is, I'm gonna pee myself" I say, running to the bathroom.

I finish and walk into the kitchen where she has four shot glasses laid out, all filled with vodka. "Come on, Nim, lets see if you can still do four shots in a row"

"Of course I can" I smirk, walking up to the shots and downing them with ease. "Now, you" I smile, pouring them, Emily has never been good at shots, but impressively, she downs them all one after another until she consumes them all. "I am impressed" I smile, while she wipes her mouth, cringing at the bitter taste. "I have to ask you something Emily, and I need you to be completely honest with me, otherwise I'm gonna kill myself trying to figure out what it was" She pours herself another shot and downs it, obviously knowing what I'm gonna ask,

"Ok"

"What were you going to say earlier?"

"When?"

"You know when"

"Freddie?" She says, I nod, "It's nothing"

"Stop that" I say,

"Stop what?" She says, raising her voice a little,

"Stop running away from whatever it is that's bugging you"

"You couldn't possibly understand what is bothering me, Naomi. So don't act like you do"

"Try me"

"Why do you want to know so bad?" She asks, her voice accusing,

"I'm your best friend for god sake, don't I have a right to know what it is that's bothering you"

"Not this you don't"

"Ok, fine" I say, turning around,

"Naomi..."

"No, don't 'Naomi' me, you've been like this for ages now Emily, I need to fucking know what's going on, ok? I need to know because I care about you a lot and it is obvious to me that you're not happy, and it's killing me that you're not telling me why"

"You really wanna know why?" she shouts,

"Yes"

"I'm not fucking happy, I haven't been for a very long time. Are you happy now?"

"Why?"

"You don't need to know that"

"Emily" I shout,

"What do you want me to say? Huh?" She looks at me, anger written all over her face and I feel my stomach drop, "What do you want me to say?"

"The fucking truth for a change, I don't need to hear another fucking brush off, another lie, it's killing me"

"Oh, it's killing you is it? What about being stuck in a relationship with somebody you despise? What about the thought of getting married to that person out of fucking fear? Fear, because you know that that person is not the right one for you, and never will be? And you know exactly who the right fucking person is but you are so much of a fucking coward to admit it to yourself? What about that?"

"Who" I say, my voice sounding incredibly weak at the minute,

"Does it matter? It's never going to happen" she sighs heavily, "You know what? I've had enough of this shit, I'm going home to try and sort my relationship out" She starts to walk towards the door, "Thanks for tonight"

"No, Emily, you're not gonna just fucking leave me here, tell me. Tell me what's going on and I'll help, you don't have to be alone through this"

"Yes I fucking do, will you just drop it" She says, still walking towards the door, but this time I chase after her, grabbing her wrist and spinning her around as she is just about to open the door. I'm too angry to realise exactly how close we are, but I swear I hear her breath hitch as soon as she notices,

"I will not drop it Emily, I'm worried about you ok, tonight... your drinking, it's not you"

"You don't know who I am" I frown at her, "If you did, you wouldn't need to ask who it is I'm talking about"

"Well I'm sorry, it's fucking hard to read through the amount of fucking walls you put up Emily" I take a breath, try to calm myself down, "Just tell me"

"Why do you need to know so desperately?"

"I just do"

"Oh, so I'm expected to give you full explanations but you're allowed to leave me with cryptic answers"

"Don't change the subject, just tell me what you're talking about, what the argument was about with Freddie, just tell me everything, I'm not going anywhere..." I say quietly,

"No"

"Why not?"

"Cause I don't want to lose you" She says, and finally we're getting somewhere, "I can't lose you"

"You won't lose me"

"I will"

"Why?" Suddenly the atmosphere changes, this thick layer of something falls between us, something that I can't quite put my finger on... Emily's eyes find mine and I'm sure she feels it too, there is a slight sense of confusion masking her eyes, but as I stare into those brown orbs, I notice as she quickly glances down towards my lips.

"Kiss me" She says, almost inaudibly, but I feel it against my lips, I stare down at her lips and notice that she's biting her bottom lip, I can feel myself leaning in, so close, I feel her breath get deeper and deeper,

"You're drunk" But then I feel myself take a step back, I wanna fucking scream at myself, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOUDOING? I watch as her darkened brown eyes suddenly change, they looks straight to the floor and it's that I realise exactly what she's talking about.

But I need to hear it. I take a step closer, startling her. I stare deep into her now darkening eyes, I whisper as I lean in, "Tell me" I can almost hear her contemplating it, my now sober thoughts knowing exactly what I'm going to hear, but also absolutely petrified if she says it, Her head falls against the door as my lips lean in on her neck, "Tell me" I breathe against her neck,

"You" She breathes out, and my heart stops, there is a sudden ache residing between my legs as I move my head up and stare intently into those brown orbs, "You're the one I want" Her eyes beg for me to make the first move, to kiss her.

Like I said before, I may be a whore, but I'm not evil.

I close the gap between us within a split second, our mouths crashing together. My tongue urgently penetrates her mouth, quickly finding its mate. I groan into her mouth as her hands quickly wrap around my neck, greedily clawing away. My hands fall to her waist, squeezing a little. I have to stop kissing her, because I can't breathe, I pull away, my lips falling to her neck, I love the shape of her neck. My tongue trails up it, and my lips gently kiss and suck at her neck, "Oh" She groans. Her hands clawing desperately at my back, "Make love to me" She demands. I pull away, staring into her now black eyes,

"What?" I ask, not sure if I heard her right,

"Make love to me" She says, her voice so quiet, so timid, like she's never uttered those words before in her entire life. I stare at her, asking for permission. It seems odd, she asked me, but I still need to confirm it. She bites her lip and then pulls me in for another kiss.

All the confirmation that I need.

***************


	10. Chapter 10

Thank you for all your comments, I know your expecting the rest of that scene I left you with, but I figure that 'memory' will come in handy later, so I'm gonna be mean.

Although you might like the end of this chapter... well

***************

Chapter 10

Emily's POV

"_Make love to me" _Four little words that have ruined everything.

Lying here in Naomi's vacant bed, a hangover most definitely present, and guilt written all over my body.

I can still feel her lips on me. My hand unconsciously lifts up to my lips, gently feeling them, they are slightly swollen, only slightly, But I can still feel her kissing me, I can still taste her.

I've been awake for over an hour. I've spent most of it pretending to be asleep as Naomi awoke. I could feel her staring at me, I could feel her panic, last nights events obviously rushing back to her mind.

She's been gone a while, so much so that where she slept is no longer warm. I hear her downstairs every now and again, getting a glass of water, opening the back door for what I can only presume is to have a cigarette. I hear her flick the kettle on, but I only hear her put one cup on the side.

She regrets it, this much is true.

She's not acting like she was when she first slept with Jess. _Jess. _ How I hate that name, and the person attached to it.

If she hadn't have come along, none of this would have happened. My jealousy, my heart breaking when I'd see a smile for her. When I'd see them kiss.

She's definitely not like the others.

I suppose you all want answers, I suppose you all would like to know why I've acted like I have, but then again, I suppose you all know exactly what I'm going to say.

I'm in love with Naomi. I have been in love with her for as long as I can remember. It crept up on me, suddenly I'd look at her in a new light, my heart would pound at the thought of so much as being with her, if only as friends. I'd find myself getting nervous just before meeting her. I'd fantasize about kissing her, about making love to her, I'd even fantasize about just being in a relationship with her. Yet knowing at the same time, I'd never have anything.

The other girls didn't bother me so much, purely because I knew she was just using them for a quick fuck. But Jess.

Everything changed when she came along. Naomi's smile was no longer directed at me, in fact a scowl often came my way when I let my jealousy over come me, when I'd look at Jess in a certain way, and that's what hurt the most.

Even though I'm hurting at her being with Jess, she's hurting because of me.

Then there's Freddie...

I love Freddie, I do. Although my love for Freddie can never be anything compared to my love for Naomi.

He knows this. This is what we fight about, constantly. He knows exactly how I feel about Naomi, he's always known, but he still wants to be with me, he still wants to marry me.

Don't ask me why, because I honestly don't know.

Fuck, this is way too fucked up.

Why does everything have to be so, complicated?

Why do I have to be such a coward? I'm breaking out into a cold sweat at the idea of me going downstairs. I'm going to have to at some point. I can't just stay here for the rest of my life.

My heavy legs swing over the side of the bed, I grab my clothes and quickly put them on. I quickly go to the bathroom, sort myself out.

My heart is pounding at the thought of going downstairs and facing her, wondering exactly what she's going to say.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck" I chant as I take a long hard look at myself in the mirror.

I look different somehow. Besides from the usual traits of a hangover, I look different. I can't put my finger on it, though.

My fingers shake as I tentatively grab the railing on the stairs, my feet slowly walking down the wooden steps. It feels like a lifetime before I get to the bottom. I turn on my heel slowly and make my way to the kitchen. I slowly peek around the corner of the door and I see that Naomi is sat on the backdoor step, cigarette in one hand, coffee in the other. "Hey" I choke out, she jumps a little, her head turning round, looking at anywhere but me,

"Hey" She says quietly. I walk over to the sink, grabbing a cup, I fill it up with water and gulp it down. I turn around and lean against the sink, when suddenly she looks at me, her eyes... so full of hurt and guilt. "Why now?" She asks, flicking her cigarette aggressively and walking back inside, closing the door behind her. I look at her blankly, "After all these years, after all this time, you do it now. Why?" I don't answer, I look to the floor, my feet shuffling nervously, "Emily" She says softly, "Please, just talk to me"

"I... I..." My struggle, "I don't know" She lets out a harsh breath and it startles me a little, "I'm not hiding anything Naomi, I honestly don't know. As far as I was concerned, I was marrying Freddie a week today, and never ever admitting what I did last night, so I'm just as shocked as you are"

Her arms cross against her waist, holding herself tightly. She doesn't feel the same, she's gonna run... "And now?" she asks. I'm not gonna put myself out there to get even more hurt...

"I'm still gonna marry him" I say, not looking at her, I can't bear to look at her right now. It's killing me.

"Right, so what was last night then? An experiment, a quick fling before you marry him?" She asks, bitterly,

I look at her, she has tears filling her eyes, and my heart breaks all over again.

"So last night, meant nothing to you, huh? You didn't feel anything? You didn't enjoy me fucking you?" I shook my head,

"Naomi, don't"

"Well you sure seemed to enjoy it, if my memory serves, you enjoyed it three times"

"What the fuck do you want me to say?" I ask, getting irritated, cause right now, I'm getting flashbacks of last night, and all I want to do is go over to her and kiss her, and tell her everything is going to be ok.

But I can't.

"I want you to fucking tell me that last night meant nothing to you" She shouts at me, walking closer, "I want to hear you say it, because that is the only reason I can see you going back to him"

"Fine, last night meant nothing to me" I shout at her, successfully breaking her. Successfully breaking myself. Her eyes fall to the floor and I can't stop myself from going to comfort her, I can't stop my hands from cupping her face and lifting her gaze to mine,

"Don't fucking touch me" She shakes my hands off, her eyes now streaming, but I cup her face again, "Don't touch me" She says, her voice a lot more weaker than before,

"It meant everything to me" I whisper, and her eyes snap to mine, "It meant everything..." I say.

Before I know it, our lips crash together in a very urgent kiss. My hands wrap around her neck, pulling her into the kiss, deepening it. I push her onto the counter, her oversized t-shirt being practically ripped off her. My hands fall to the back of her thighs as I push her up onto the counter. She leans down, kissing me deeply. "I want you inside of me" She whispers, and I freeze.

Naomi did everything last night... I've never touched a girl intimately before... "It's ok" She says, her eyes begging me, "Please, Emily" She begs, her eyes... fuck, those eyes. I'd do anything for her to keep looking at me like she is. Anything.

My shaky hands grip at her underwear, she pushes her weight onto her hands, lifting off the counter just enough for me to successfully pull her underwear off her. My hand reaches for her centre, but it freezes, Naomi's hand reaches for my chin, lifting my head up so my gaze meets her, she leans down and kisses me. With her other hand she guides my frozen hand to where she wants it most.

My breath hitches as I feel how wet she is. She groans heavily into my mouth. "Fuck" She mutters, her brow furrowed deep. Her breathing turns into a pant, and she almost screams as I push two fingers inside of her. I suddenly gain confidence, I don't know from where. I push my body onto my feet, lifting up and gently nipping at her neck, she leans her head to the side, her arms pulling me closer to her.

I pick up the pace with my fingers, her nails digging into my back as she screams in ecstasy. I've never been so aroused in my entire life right now.

She shuffles forward a little, giving me all the access I need. I curve my fingers upwards a little and her entire body shudders. "Fuck, Emily" She pants, repeat this a few times, and watch in awe as her body shudders for a final time, her eyes fused shut, her bottom lip between her teeth, her hands flop onto the sides, and I watch in amazement.

I think I'm falling in love with her all over again.

Her forehead falls against mine, and when she finally looks at me, my legs almost give way. I've never seen her eyes like this before, they are stunningly blue, a darkened blue. She looks at me as if she's seeing for the first time. Her bottom lip swollen a little from the biting.

Fucking beautiful. That is the only way I can describe her at the minute.

She leans in, her lips kissing me ever so gently, I almost don't realise that she's kissing me. She rests her forehead against mine again, sighing deeply, this almost feels like... feels like... goodbye.

Almost like we're savouring every single second of this, because it's the last time we'll ever feel like this... the last time we'll ever be like this. When she looks at me, staring deep into my eyes, I know that that is exactly what this is...

Goodbye.

********************


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks for the comments and I hope that this maybe explains... well a little anyway.

Sorry for no update for the last couple of days, lets just say I've been in a drunken haze for three days, and yesterday I was getting over that haze lol. Alcohol is no longer my friend.

Oh, and sorry if this is crap, kind of need a few things to fill the time between now and the wedding... I'll think up something.

Please comment :D

********************

Chapter Eleven

Leaving Naomi was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

But it needed to be done. It's never going to work between us two, and I care about her far too much to risk losing her...

Although I think last night did just that.

I walk home ever so slowly, I might as well be walking backwards. My head completely and utterly focused on what a fucking mess this is. What I'm gonna say when I see Freddie, how I'm gonna feel. 'Cause right now, I don't feel anything... apart from Naomi. All I can feel are her hands roaming all over my body, her lips on mine, her sleeping form next to me...

"Fuck" I say, quite loudly actually that a mother and her small child quickly walk away from me. I don't blame them, I haven't brushed my hair, I'm still wearing the same clothes as last night, my make-up smudged all over my face, and I'm cursing at absolutely nobody. I look insane.

I pick up my pace, but it suddenly dawns on me that I'm not going home, no. I'm on a familiar road, a road I've been down a thousand times, but it doesn't lead to my fiancé or my best friend, no, it leads to my sanity.

I walk up to the door, ringing the door bell and waiting impatiently for a couple of seconds. The tousled haired young man answers the door and I feel myself break down, tears stream from my eyes as his sympathetic eyes fall on me, frowning in utter confusion he wraps his arms around my fragile body, trying to comfort me, trying the impossible. "JJ, everything is so fucked up" I cry into his shoulder, he shushes me gently and pulls me into the house. Closing the door behind me, he smiles gently,

"I'll make you a cup of tea" I smile sadly and nod as I follow him into the kitchen. JJ's tea is legendary... makes everything seem better, if only for a little while. In a minute I have a steaming cup of tea sat in front of me at the table and JJ waiting expectantly,

"I slept with her" I say quietly,

"What?" He raises his voice slightly, "Emily" Now he seems disappointed, "I told you that that was the last thing you should do"

"I know, but it kinda happened"

"Couldn't you stop it?"

"No... I started it"

"Emily" He says quieter this time,

"JJ, don't. I came here, not for a lecture, because I just needed somebody to talk to about it. I know it was wrong, but I just fucking couldn't help myself, ok?" I sigh, "She was stood there, in front of me, breaking down, scared, because I'm a fucking jealous cow and couldn't explain why. I couldn't explain, I couldn't think of anything to fucking say, apart from one thing"

"What?"

"I asked her to kiss me"

"And she did?"

"Yeah" I sigh again, "I've never felt anything like that, never..."

"I fucking knew she'd do this"

"What?"

"Ruin it for you"

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, just forget it" He smiles awkwardly, "Biscuit?"

"No, I don't want a biscuit, I want you to tell me what you're talking about"

"I can't"

"Why?"

"Cause... I can't"

"JJ" I warn.

"Fine, but if you tell Naomi that I've told you, she'll never speak to me again and I'll never speak to you, ok?"

"Ok"

"The day after your engagement, she text me, telling me that she needed me, so I went round. She told me that... oh fuck she's gonna kill me"

"JJ, just please... I need to know" I say,

"She told me that... she loves you... she's in love with you" My heart stops,

"How long?"

"Since you met" He says quietly, and I almost die...

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her to forget about it... to move on... and that's when she met Jess" I must scowl at him because he panics, "Look, I'm sorry, but Naomi is the last person you need to be with Emily, I was just trying to protect you. She uses girls and then drops them, I knew how you felt about her and I didn't want it to be like that. I didn't want her to hurt you like that, you're not like those other girls, you couldn't handle it"

"She's been in love with me all these years and never said a word to anyone until the other week?"

"Yeah, but she didn't know she was" I frown at him, "She found out on your engagement... it broke her heart"

"And Jess?"

"I think she does genuinely care for Jess... but not as much as she does you. She's willing to settle, like you did"

"Freddie" I sigh, he just smiles sadly, "What am I gonna do?" I say, cradling my head in my hands,

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know"

"Ok, don't think about it, just give me an answer, who do you want to be with more than anything, regardless of everything"

"...Naomi"

"Ok, there's your answer"

"Yeah, but, what do I say, what do I do... I've hurt her so many times..."

"She loves you... so I'm guessing she'll forgive you"

"Ok, I'm gonna go there, now. Will you give me a lift?"

"Sure"

**************

It doesn't take me five minutes until I'm back at Naomi's again. "Good luck" JJ shouts as he drives off, "Let me know what happens" I wave him off, grabbing my keys out of my bag I unlock the door. tAs I close it behind me, I hear laughter coming from the living room. I walk towards the door and I really wish I hadn't.

I see Naomi and Jess kissing on the couch.

I feel sick, my stomach churns as I witness Naomi doing to Jess what she was doing to me just over an hour ago. My mouth goes dry and I can actually feel my heart break, I feel it crack.

I've finally plucked up the courage to tell the girl I love my feelings, and I'm faced with her making out with her girlfriend, heavily.

Giving me my answer before I even ask the question.

'_I feel so untouched, and I want you so much' _I cringe straight away as my ringtone bellows out of my phone. The laughter stops and as I reach into my bag and hang up on the person calling, who I can only presume is Freddie wondering where I am, I am faced with the girl who just broke my heart and the girl who I could murder right now.

"Emily" Naomi says, her high pitched voice obviously shocked at me being here, right now, stood in her doorway, watching them make out. "What are you doing here?" She asks, glancing at Jess quickly who is frowning,

"Sorry, I left my uh, phone here last night"

"But you just got it out of your bag" bitch argues with me, Naomi looks at her and then at me, and I can tell she has a thousand questions running through her mind right now, and knowing that cause Jess is here, she can't ask.

"Yeah" I laugh nervously, "I got halfway home and couldn't find my phone, I assumed I left it here, I think I'm still drunk from last night" I laugh even more, Jess laughing genuinely and Naomi not laughing at all,

"Must have been a good night" Jess smiles,

"Yeah, it was" I look at Naomi, "This morning isn't great though" I smile, Jess laughing and Naomi completely understanding the double meaning in that statement. "I better go, Freddie will be wondering where I am"

"Ok, happy hangover" Jess shouts as I make a quick exit. As I leave, I rip Naomi's key off my chain and place it in the door. I slam the door shut after me, grabbing my phone again I ring JJ.

"JJ, I need alcohol, right now" I say sternly down the phone, "Can you come and pick me up please"

"I'll turn right round now, I'll be a minute" He says before hanging up.

I'm such a fucking idiot!

**********************


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks for the comments...

**********************

Chapter Twelve

JJ took me back to his and gave me vodka, yes it's only dinner time, but I need it.

I'm not an alcoholic, but certain circumstances call for alcohol.

This is most definitely one of them.

"Ems, maybe you need to slow down a little" JJ says, his voice full of concern. I completely understand as I've just downed a quarter of a bottle of vodka in about three minutes.

"I will slow down, when I'm drunk enough"

"Emily, please, just talk to me... I'm really scared about you. What happened?"

"Nothing"

"Emily" I hadn't told him what happened, not because its some big secret, but because it will hurt me even more to say it out loud, I suppose, "Did she knock you back?"

"No"

"You argue?"

"No"

"Well what then"

"Nothing, JJ, just forget it"

"No, Emily. I'm not going to forget it, she's fucking hurt you and I want to know why" I'm silent, "If you don't tell me I'll ring Naomi"

"Ring her, like I give a shit" He laughs bitterly,

"Oh, it's obvious that you don't give a shit"

"Sarcasm is not helpful right now"

"Neither is stubbornness"

"Well I'm sorry, I've just had my heart broken JJ, do you want me to sit down with a nice cup of tea and talk about it?"

"Yes"

"Well, that's not me, and I'm not gonna do that, so stop trying"

"Fine" He grabs his phone off the side and rings Naomi. I just sit and watch, still drinking the vodka. Something is definitely up, I can only normally drink vodka in shots, and I still can't stand the taste, but right now I really don't care. I just need to feel.... need to feel... numb. "Naomi, what the hell is going on? Well I want to know why Emily is sat in my kitchen drinking her weight in vodka" He pauses, Naomi obviously telling him, "And you didn't go after her? What the fuck Naomi?" He must be annoyed, cause JJ never swears. "What ever, just get yourself round here pronto"

"What? I don't want her here" I shout, "I don't want to see her"

"Now, Naomi, Jess can wait" He hangs up.

"No, JJ, I'm leaving"

"Emily, no."

"Why? So I can get my heart broken again?"

"Look, this can't go on like this, she's the maid of honour at your wedding for god sake"

"Not anymore, we're not even friends anymore" I say quietly, "How can we be?" I feel my eyes welling up, "How can I face her again after everything that has happened"

"She's your best friend, she loves you, you love her, you can get through this"

"I thought we could get through anything, but then this happened, and now I'm not so sure"

"Emily, please"

"What?" I say, getting agitated, "What do you want me to fucking say? I can't say anything more than I've already said, so why don't you just drop it"

"No, I won't drop it, for fuck sake Emily, she's fucking killing you right now, look at you, your mess, this needs to get sorted out, and if I have to be here for safety purposes then so be it"

"Fine, I'm going to the toilet"

I try to steady my shaky nerves as the thought of coming face to face with Naomi again is killing my nerves. I stand in front of the mirror, washing the make-up off my face and sorting my hair out. "God, I am a mess" I say to nobody, "And I'm talking to myself... great Emily, just great" I hear the doorbell ring, and what I can only presume is Naomi enters.

"Where is she?" I hear her ask sternly, JJ must tell her because I hear footsteps bouncing up the stairs, "Emily" she shouts. I run to the door and lock it. She bangs on the wood, "Emily, open the door,

"No"

"Emily, please, we need to talk about this"

"No, I can't"

"Why"

"I just can't" My head falls against the door. I can't look at her right now, I can't look into those blue eyes and not want everything to be ok, our friendship still intact, because I know that if I were to give in and look at her, nothing will be the same again. I can't... I won't.

Nothing will ever be the same again.

"Emily, please" She begs, "Please" I'm so weak... I can feel myself weakening as the seconds tick away.

Naomi is my weakness and she sure fucking knows this.

"I'm not leaving here until you come out, it could take an hour, or it could take all day, I'm not going anywhere"

"Are you sure about that?" I ask, the words coming out of my mouth before registering with my brain, I cringe at how stupid a question that is,

"Positive, now are you gonna save a few hours and talk, or sit and chew on it for a while, your choice"

I contemplate what I'm gonna do, and I realise that she knows me far too well, I've got to come out eventually. It's not like I'm gonna set up camp in JJ's only toilet, for a start he, or Naomi for that matter, may wanna use it shortly, so I can't be cruel.

I unlock the door and open it slightly, not looking at her, just looking at the floor. "Hey" She says softly, I don't say anything, "Emily"

"What?" She's taken aback by the tone in my voice, this much is obvious,

"What's wrong?"

"You're shitting me right?" She looks to the floor,

"Why did you come to mine?"

"What?"

"Why did you come round my house after you left?"

"does it matter?"

"To me"

"Yeah, well. I guess we'll never know"

"Emily" She breathes, "Don't"

"Don't what?" I sigh, "Don't be a bitch because I was fucking you this morning, and then an hour later you were dry humping your girlfriend... That's funny"

"That's not fair"

"Oh, yes it is"

"Why?"

"You couldn't wait a fucking hour, one fucking hour..."

"Why should I? As far as I was concerned last night meant nothing, and you're still marrying Freddie"

"Yes, I'm still marrying Freddie, but last night meant something to me, and you know it did, so don't start that shit Noami"

"Oh, I'm sorry, if it meant something, why the fuck are you still marrying Freddie? Huh? Answer me that"

"Cause it will never work between the two of us and you know it"

"So that means that we aren't even going to give it a try?"

"Yes that is exactly what I'm saying. Why waste two good relationships on something that we know will never work"

"How do you know it won't work" She asks,

"Cause I do"

"Oh, very insightful there Ems" she says bitterly.

"Look, I think we'll just be better off as friends, ok?" She shakes her head,

"No, I think we lost the possibility of us being friends again this morning" My breath hitches, "Last night... I could have put that down to us both being drunk, to a mistake, a great mistake, but a mistake all the same, but this morning... you wouldn't have done that if you regretted last night, and you know it. It meant something to me Emily, it meant a lot, and it always will, but knowing what its like being with you, I can't go back to having nothing, I can't go back to just being friends. All it takes it one question, and you can have it... one question... that is all... and I'll leave her, I'll be with you, no other questions asked..."

"I... I don't want to lose you Naomi..." her head falls to the floor again,

"So you pick Freddie"

"Naomi..." I say, but she turns her back to me and walks away,

"That's all I needed to hear" She walks down the stairs and out of the door, and I'm frozen to the spot.

I'm frozen numb.

Be with me? That is all I needed to say, all I needed to ask, and I couldn't.

I wanted to say it, oh God knows how I wanted to say those words, but I couldn't. I ran. Theoretically speaking of course, I ran.

I finally plucked up the courage to look into those sparkling eyes, but they were no longer sparkling, they were dull, broken, damaged.

I did that to her. I did that.

My knees buckle beneath me as I fall against the door frame, JJ running up the stairs to comfort me, but again, he's trying to impossible. It's impossible because I've potentially just watched the only person who has ever made me truly happy, who will make me eternally happy, who I love completely, I've just watched them walk out of my life for good, and it's all my fault.

I'm too much of a coward to go for what I want, to go for what I need... To go for who I love, that I settle for the person that is none of those things, that will do none of those things.

All because I'm too scared...

**************


	13. Chapter 13

I am soooooo so sorry about the lack of updates for however long its been, I've been very ill and basically slept for a week... I will try and make it up to you, although I have a funny feeling this chapter might not, sorry about the length, I will get back into the swing of it eventually

**************

Chapter thirteen

I don't even remember how I got home, let alone how I ended up naked in my bed. My eyes cringe at the sudden burst of sunshine, "Morning drunkard" I hear Freddie laugh quietly,

"Ugh, what time is it?" I say, my hand lifting up and covering my eyes.

"Almost 1"

"Shit" I sit up fast, and instantly regret it, my limp body falling back into the same position,

"Hey, look, I brought you coffee and a full English... should get you back to humanity" I sit up and smile gratefully at my fiancé,

"You're to good to me, you know?"

"Nonsense" I raise my eyebrows, "Well, yeah, I am, but hey... someone's gotta look after you" He smiles, "Especially after the state you rolled in like last night" I cringe,

"How was I?"

"You couldn't walk, JJ had to walk you home, you were incoherently babbling about something"

"Shit, I must ring JJ later and apologise"

"It's ok, he was more concerned then anything, so was I to be honest babes. I've never seen you in that state before. What happened?"

"Nothing" I say, a tad upbeat,

"Come on"

"I just had an argument with Naomi, that's all" His smile fades, "It's ok... you've got what you wanted"

"What's that?"

"Naomi and I are no longer friends"

"Emily... I didn't want that" He tries to be sympathetic, his hand resting on my thigh and squeezing gently.

"You sure?" He doesn't answer "It doesn't matter now... I suppose I'll have to give Katie a ring and ask her to be my maid of honour"

"Ok, I better go and clean up downstairs, you'll be pissed off if you see the state of it" He smiles, leaning over and giving me a kiss on the forehead.

I finish eating Freddie's delicious breakfast, have my coffee and go for a shower.

Now I feel human. Even though I've just had probably the greasiest breakfast you could ever imagine eating, all I taste is vodka. Maybe that wasn't my finest idea.

I hear my phone ringing somewhere in the room, but I have no idea where it is. "Shit" I quickly try to find it, it sounds muffled, within two seconds my sheets are off the bed on the floor, nope, not in there. I look in a drawer, I look in the wash basket (hey, you never know) and I turn and see a light under the bed, I practically dive and grab the device, "lo" I answer quickly,

"Please tell me you have a hangover, because if you don't then I will be immensely annoyed"

"Hey JJ" I say, all chirpy,

"You don't do you?"

"I did, but Freddie cooked me a full English, I've had a coffee and I shower and I've officially entered the realm of humanity" he chuckles, "What's up?"

"Just checking you were still alive"

"Yup, still breathing"

"Good"

"Sorry about yesterday J"

"It's ok, I know you're going through a lot, yesterday was just a release, and I'm glad it was with me, cause some of the things you were saying, well if it were Freddie, lets just say there wouldn't be a wedding on Saturday"

"What was I saying"

"How fantastic Naomi is in the sack. How kissable her lips are, Naomi this, Naomi that. Then when you remember what happened you started cursing about her"

"Shit"

"Yes"

"I'm so sorry"

"Oh, and you threw up on my couch" My hand slaps for face hard,

"Oh, my god, I am so sorry JJ"

"It's ok, although I'm sending you the cleaning bill" I laugh,

"I will pay it gladly"

"I better get off, Naomi's coming round in a minute"

"Oh..."

"Ems?"

"Yeah"

"I love you you drunken tart" I laugh,

"Love you too JJ" I hang up the phone and start to pick up the quilt off the floor and throw it onto the bed, tidying it quickly, I hear the door creak open and I see Freddie stood in the door way looking a little shocked,

"What?" I ask, getting a little worried,

"I was uh... cleaning the downstairs toilet and I uh..."

"What?"

"You're pregnant?"

***********************


	14. Chapter 14

Another update to make up for the lack of...

Don't worry, It'll get better

***********************

Chapter fourteen

(Naomi)

"JJ, what am I gonna do?" I ask, sitting at his back door having a cigarette,

"Naomi, I really think you need to drop it all now" He says sternly "She's told you who she's chosen, can't you just move on?"

"No, I can't. I've tried JJ, I really have, and I can't"

"Seemed like you could when you were fucking Jess an hour after you fucked Emily"

"What's up your arse today?"

"I am sick and tired of hearing about it all the time Naomi, you had your chance with Emily, she was coming back to tell you that she was gonna leave Freddie for you, she was giving you everything you wanted and you couldn't keep it in your pants for an hour, what the fuck is that all about?"

I'm dumbstruck... there are no words entering my mind at this precise moment in time, I'm getting my arse kicked by JJ, deservedly I might add, and all I can do is take it, all I need to do is take it,

"She fucking loves you, more than you can ever imagine, you didn't see her yesterday Naomi, you didn't see what you did to her, I'm sorry but I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that everything is going to be ok, because it is most certainly not. You have completely fucked her up"

"Fucker her up? What about me?"

"What about you? You finally realised how you felt about her because you felt you were going to lose her, and you've done everything in your power since to do just that. Emily has been heartbroken over you for years, years Naomi" He softens his voice, "When you would take a girl home, thinking you were doing no harm, you were doing her harm, you've always been hurting her, throughout your friendship, and now you realise how you feel about her, you've done her the worst harm"

"JJ, please" I beg,

"No, you need to hear this. I can't take another minute of you whining that you've lost her, you haven't fucking lost her, you pushed her away. Yes, you tried, I'm not saying you didn't, but just do me one favour please, that is all I ask"

"What?"

"Ok, imagine you've been in love with somebody for years, knowing full well of your feelings. They have unintentionally hurt you throughout those years. A lot. After a drunken night you finally sleep with that person, showing them exactly how you feel. You finally feel like everything is coming together, everything that you've hoped for for years, yes?" I nod, "And you go and tell that person you're going to be with them, and see them with somebody else, not even a day after you were together. Add to that five years of hurt, of pain, of broken hearts." I hang my head in shame, "Do you honestly blame Emily for choosing Freddie?"

"No... but she could have told me" I say, with absolutely not feasible answer left in me, this is my pathetic one, I already know what he is gonna say,

"Don't be stupid Naomi. How could she? You've always said you never wanted a relationship, you weren't ready to settle down, Emily is not the one for a one night stand, especially with the one person she cares about most on this planet, she wouldn't risk one night with you if it meant losing you"

"Well what about her hen night"

"There's a lot you don't know"

"So tell me then"

"No"

"Why not"

"I can't"

"Course you can"

"No, Naomi, I've told you to drop it, just leave her and Freddie to get on with their lives"

"What are you talking about JJ, what don't I know?"

"No"

"I'll get it out of you"

"No you won't"

"JJ, fucking tell me, or I swear to God"

"What are you gonna do"

"JJ, Please" I beg, "I need to know"

"No, you don't"

"Of course I do, you're saying that there is a reason behind her sleeping with me after all these years, I think I deserve to know that fucking reason, don't you"

"She's pregnant" he says quietly,

"What"

"You heard me"

"Ok... why would that make.."

"Jesus, are you sure you even fucking know her at all?" I swallow loudly, fearing another outburst from JJ, "She's getting married to a man she doesn't love, and now she's pregnant... she was scared, she still is scared... I think she finally had the courage to see if it could work with you... Emily isn't naive, she knows what it would be like bringing a child up in a loveless marriage... yes with you it would be complicated, but she needed to know if she had you as an option... and she doesn't"

"What do you mean?"

"Of course she doesn't, you're so unstable right now, a baby doesn't need to be around somebody like that. She chose, out of the two of you, Freddie. Because he's always been there, and he would never hurt her. She thinks she can grow to love him, but she can't. We all know that, I just hope that someday she finally gets over you and finally is happy"

Fuck. I've been so selfish, so self involved, I haven't even considered what Emily was going through.

I feel sick, I feel so sick at all of this, knowing exactly how I've been treating her, how I've hurt her. The only person I've ever cared about. "Maybe I should go"

"Yeah, give me chance to calm down" he laughs lightly, "I got a little heated" I let out a bitter laugh,

"No, I mean, maybe I should leave for a while, go stay with my mum or something"

"Why?"

"Give Emily her space, space from me that she deserves, we all have the same friends J, I can't be around her now knowing what I know, knowing how much I've hurt her. Give her chance to start a family with Freddie" That kills me to say, but I know that it's probably the best right now,

"I don't think that's a good idea"

"I love you JJ, but I need to get away, who knows, maybe it will actually change me into a better person"

"What about Emily, what are you gonna tell her?"

"Got a pen and paper?"

"You'll write her a letter?"

"I won't be able to say what needs to be said if I do it to her face"

"Ok" He grabs me a pen and paper, "I'll give you some time to write it" he leaves the room, and I have no idea where to start.

*********

(Emily)

"How long have you known?" Freddie asks,

"The day before my hen night"

"And you still went out and got drunk?"

"I'm sorry Freddie, I know it was the most stupid thing I could have done, but I just needed to forget about it for a little while, it was a big shock"

"And now?"

"I'm happy about it, I really am, we get to start a family" I smile, stepping forward and embracing him, "We're gonna be parents" I pull away, to study him, see his reaction, he looks so happy,

"I'm gonna be a father" He says, his voice laced with happiness,

"And you'll be a great one at that"

"Oh my god, I better give my dad a ring" He smiles before giving me a kiss and running off to the phone. The doorbell rings, and walk over and open the door,

"JJ, what you doing here?" I ask, surprised at his visit,

"uh, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt anything"

"It's ok, I've just told Freddie that I'm pregnant, well by told, I mean he found the pregnancy test"

"He's happy?"

"Ecstatic" He walks in and gives me a hug,

"I'm so happy for you Ems. But I've only come to drop something off"

"What?"

"A letter from Naomi" My heart stops,

"What..."

"Just... here" He hands it to me, "I haven't read it or anything, so I don't know what it says, but she is going away for a while" He smiles and walks away.

I hold the envelope that has my name marked on it delicately, wondering what it's going to say... suddenly feeling nervous at the prospect of opening it. I can hear Freddie hang up the phone, he comes through the kitchen into the hallway, "Who was that?"

"JJ"

"Oh, right, what was up?"

"Oh, he was just dropping off something that I left at his"

"Oh, ok, I'm gonna run after him real quick, you don't mind do you?"

"No, go for it, I tell ya what, why don't you got for a few drinks with him and be back around 7, I'll cook us a meal"

"Sure thing babes" He kisses me quickly on the lips,

"See you later" I wave him off as I close the door behind him. My back slowly connects to the wood as I slide down, seating myself on the floor. I turn the envelope over and open it, pulling the letter out. I take a deep breath and open it, starting to read it,

'_Emily, _

_I've been so selfish towards you, I've only ever thought of myself and my feelings, I've never considered what you must have been going through. _

_There are no words that could possibly explain my regrets over the amount of pain I have caused you, and sorry just doesn't seem to cut it. But that is the only word that I need to say. I am deeply sorry for the way I have treated you, you deserve far better. _

_There is one thing that I am sure of; I love you, I always have and I'm sure I always will. You are an amazing person Em, you truly are. You don't see just how great you are. You are caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful, funny, and just simply amazing. _

_You are going to make a fantastic mother. _

_I understand now why you chose Freddie, and I completely agree with that decision. Freddie will look after you far better than I ever could, he is the right person for you. _

_This is not a goodbye letter, you don't get rid of me that easily Miss Fitch, unless you want to that is. It is simply a see you later letter. I need to get away for a little while, give you the chance to make the life that you deserve._

_I hope that when we see each other again in the not too distant future that we will have forgotten all that has been said between us, all the animosity and we can go back to how things used to be. _

_I know that this is a big challenge, but I also know that we can achieve anything if we want it enough, and I don't want to lose you Emily, I don't ever want to be in a world that doesn't have you in it, even if it is only as friends. I can handle that. _

_I am still here for you and I always will be. I am only a phone call away. I'm sorry for running out on your wedding, I am just not strong enough to watch you get married. Your wedding dress is still at my house, if you hadn't already noticed I put your key in the envelope. _

_I am so sorry for the way things have turned out. _

_Nim._

_p.s. Don't be mad at JJ, he told me some home truths that I desperately needed to hear. He really is an angel that man.'_

I read the letter a thousand times. My tears stain the corner of it.

She's gone...

***************


	15. Chapter 15

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Chapter fifteen

(Naomi)

Work have been great, I explained to them my situation, and even though I haven't been there long they have given me as long off as I need to, unpaid of course, but still, my job is waiting for me until I'm ready to go back. The taxi pulls outside my mum's house, she lives two hours away from Bristol, deep in the countryside. I pay the taxi, grab my bags from the boot, and as I turn around and walk towards my mother's house, I notice she's stood in the doorway, a sad smile on her face.

It has been a long time since I visited. I walk towards her, and her arms open wide, "Come give me a hug" She says softly, her sad smile growing into a wide one. I drop my bags to the floor and walk into my mothers arms.

"I've missed you, you should visit more often" She squeezes me tight, and it all gets a bit much, I feel the tears threatening, I feel the lump in my throat develop quickly, I hold on tightly. Breathing her in.

"Mum, I've really messed up" I say, my voice breaking as I try to stop sobbing,

"What's the matter baby?" normally I'd make a smart arse comment about her calling me baby, but right now, I'm welcoming her, remembering how great she is, how she's going to give me her honest opinion when I tell her what I've done...

"You absolute twat" She swats my arm, "Emily is a very nice girl, Naomi. Very nice, how could you do that to her?"

"I didn't know mum"

"Oh, don't come that Naomi, you know far more than your letting on"

"We slept together"

"And?"

"Oh, mum it's a big deal, you don't have to act like a bitch" I say, roughly wiping my tears.

"No, baby girl, you misunderstand me, I want you to tell me how it made you feel, how it changed you, cause you're not my usual care-free daughter at the moment"

"I'm in love with her"

"Does she know?" I nod, "And she's not with you?" I shake my head, "Well maybe your better off out of it then"

"She's pregnant"

"Oh, Christ. When it rains it pours with you huh?"

"Oh, and getting married tomorrow, oh, and in love with me too" she simply shakes her head.

"Here's what you're going to do... you're going to stay with me for a month, maybe more, as long as you want, ok? I'm guessing the reason you're here is that there is no chance with Emily" I nod, "Ok, I'm gonna make us something to eat, and you can use this visit to clear your mind, maybe even start the book you're always talking about"

"Maybe"

I love my Mum, I really do, but right now there is no other place I would rather be than with Emily. This is going to be very difficult... Especially seeing as tomorrow she's going to be getting married I'm not going to be able to keep that out of mind for very long now, am I?

"Let this be a lesson to you Naomi. You need to grow up, stop acting like you're seventeen"

"I know mum, trust me, I've done a lot of growing up in the past week. I've had to"

My phone vibrates in my pocket and my heart almost bursts out of my chest, hoping that it's who I think it is, but when I look at my phone, it isn't...

"hey Jess" I say sadly,

"Where the hell have you disappeared to?"

"I'm at my mother's house, I'm gonna be staying here for a little while"

"And you didn't tell me?"

"I'm sorry"

"What's going on?"

"I don't think I can do this anymore?" I hear her take a deep breath,

"Emily?"

"Yeah"

"Well I can't exactly say that I'm surprised, I knew it would happen sooner or later"

"No, it's not like that, we're not together... but, I just need some time on my own, I need to re-evaluate my life, get everything in order, cause right now, it's just a mess"

"And I don't fit in" More of a statement than a question,

"I'm sorry"

"I guess I knew what I was getting myself into from the start, I just didn't expect to fall for you"

I'm silent.

"I better go"

"I'm really sorry"

"I know" and with that she hangs up. I reach into my bag and grab a cigarette out. Walking to the back door and sitting on the bench outside. Breathing in the country air for a little while, then having my next nicotine fix.

It really is beautiful out here. I can see for miles, all the fields, the trees, the houses. It's breathtaking actually. My phone vibrates again, this time a text from JJ, asking if I got here ok. I reply, telling him I had, and then I go inside and make a cup of tea.

It's going to be a long month.

*****

(Emily)

I wake early, the sunlight shining through the curtains, waking me from my deep slumber. I groan as I turn over, finding that Freddie isn't in the bed beside me.

"Shit" I sit up quickly, "Shit, shit, shit, shit,shit... I'm getting married today" The doorbell rings and I quickly run down the stairs, swinging the door open, and finding Katie and Effy stood looking back at me.

"Woah, hyper much?" Katie laughs. I invite them in and I go for a quick shower. As I finish and come down the stairs, I hear Katie and Effy talking about something, but as soon as they spot me getting closer they quieten down.

"What are you two gossiping about?" I ask, walking to the fridge and getting myself a glass of milk.

"oh, nothing" Effy say's quickly,

"You know it inspires paranoia when you walk into a room and it suddenly goes quiet"

"We were just talking about Naomi" I almost drop the milk at the mention of her name, and this doesn't go unnoticed, "Why isn't she here?" Katie asks,

"She needed to get away for a while"

"On your wedding day... when she's supposed to be the maid of honour"

"Yes, Katie, can you just drop it?"

"What's going on?" Effy asks,

"Nothing"

"Did you two have a fight?" she continues,

"Something like that"

"You're being very cryptic" Katie announces, I turn and look at Effy who has a small smirk on her face, she so knows.

"I'm not, it's just I don't want to talk about it today ok, seeing as it is my wedding day" I say, walking off not letting Katie get another word in.

I already picked the dress up from Naomi's yesterday. I open the zip on the protective covering, feeling the fabric, remembering that day at the charity shop. In the changing room.

That was when I felt like maybe I wasn't alone in this situation, that maybe she had some feelings for me too, she wanted to kiss me... that much was obvious. I wish she would have...

"Emily?" Effy says softly from behind the door, "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure" I say, shaking away the memories of that day. Effy walks in and sits down on my unmade bed.

"Everything ok?"

"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine" She looks at me in such a way that makes me just want to spill all my troubles onto her... tell her everything that's gone on,

"And Naomi?" She raises her eyebrows,

_Her lips are hot against my skin, her breath is deep, almost panting as she struggles to remove my jeans. She pushes my back down onto the bed, growling huskily in frustration. Her fingers work at the button and the zip, successfully pulling the garment off in one full swing. Her eyes widen as she lifts her hand up slightly, brushing gently against my thigh. Her body lowers, her lips find my knee as she leaves a trail on feather light kisses up my leg, stopping just below where I ache for her, an ache so deep that it almost hurts. _

"Emily" Effy shouts, breaking me out of my little memory, I feel my cheeks burn and my centre radiate as I remember the events of that night.

They've always been a little hazy, but now they are so vivid, so real I almost feel her on my skin. "Something happened didn't it?" She says, that smirk from earlier now more of a smug smirk at figuring out exactly why Naomi left.

"Effy..." I say quietly, "Please..."

"You love her don't you" definitely a matter of fact rather than a question. I bite my lip, "And she loves you" I bite it harder, "But you chose Freddie... Why?"

"The baby"

"Oh come on Ems, it's the 21st century, it's quite ok to have a baby with somebody and not marry them"

"It's not that it's just... eugh, I can't talk about this right now"

"You need to, because if you don't talk about it you're going to end up making a huge mistake"

"Why?"

"Don't marry Freddie, Emily"

"What?"

"Don't marry him, not if you don't love him... you can't do that to him, Emily"

"I do love him"

"No you don't, not like you love her"

_She hovers above me, every ounce of alcohol now out of her system, looking right back at me is her blue eyes, much, much darker than I've ever seen them. Her tongue dances between her lips and her teeth, her eyes shuffling between my eyes and my lips. I lean in, capturing those magical lips between mine, kissing them ever so sweetly, savouring every single whimper, every taste, every smell. Etching them all into my memory. Her body lowers until she is on top of me, her hands reach up to my head, gently holding onto me. I deepen the kiss, and as a result get a groan which rumbles down to my already throbbing centre. She stops the kiss, her head hovering above me, a small smile on her swollen lips. _

_But suddenly she goes all shy, a faint blush rises to her cheeks, "What?" I ask. _

"_I think..." She struggles, "I think... I've just fallen in love with you... all over again"_

I feel my stomach twist at this memory... a tear fills in my eye and I have to stop myself from collapsing at the sheer pain of every single thing surrounding this situation.

"Emily, please... you can't do this to yourself, just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you have to live a miserable life, Freddie can't make you happy... you don't love him, you know who the only person that can make you happy is" She shuffles, breaking me out of my daze, "Look at you, it's your wedding day and you're miserable..."

"Effy, please, stop it. I've made my decision... I'm marrying Freddie, if you don't like that, then you can leave right now"

"Fine... do whatever, don't say I didn't try... I'll go get the make-up and we'll get you ready for the wedding"

"Ok"

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	16. Chapter 16

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Chapter sixteen

Ever had an outer body experience?

One where you watch yourself do something that you know you will regret. You watch your face, watching as it changes the further you walk towards that mistake. The music playing in the background, the scattered rose petals that surround the red carpeted floor beneath me.

I watch as my eyes widen, the person I don't want standing at the bottom of the aisle, waiting for me to make the biggest commitment ever, smiling, keeping eye contact with me at all times. The guests all gasp at my dress, all making nice comments to the person standing beside them.

This isn't how I pictured it.

Every girl has a wedding fantasy. Mine is simple, the person I love standing at the altar, waiting for me to get to them, waiting happily, not praying that I don't turn and run away. Just thanking God that I finally found them.

That person never was or never will be Freddie.

I pause.

The crowd gasping as my eyes are no longer wide, they are vacant, they are somewhere else. They are with somebody else.

"Emily" Somebody whispers from the crowd, breaking me from my reverie. I stumble a little, almost forgetting where I am and what I'm supposed to be doing. I look at Freddie, and all I see is panic stricken eyes. His body is no longer relaxed, but extremely tense, his fingers stretch, his mouth purses into a straight line.

I can't stop myself. I can't stop my feet from turning around and running out the door. I can't stop them running. I run as far and as fast as my lungs will let me, not really knowing where I'm going, not caring that all our guests are now shouting my name. Not caring that Freddie is running after me.

I get as far as the park before I have to stop and take a breath, my tear stained cheeks cold against the slight breeze.

My heart aching, aching for the pain I've just caused, for the confrontation that I know is about to come and for the loneliness I know will follow. I just can't take any of this anymore. I need to do something for me...

"Emily!" I hear Freddie's voice, but I physically can't move. I can't run away, not now. He needs an explanation, he at least deserves that from me. "Emily" He shouts again, his voice breaking, from either the pain, anger or he's out of breath. He stops in front of me. Trying to catch his breath, his eyes on everything but me. "Why? Just tell me why" He says once he can breath without wheezing.

He really needs to stop smoking so much weed.

"I'm so sorry"

"I don't want an apology Emily, I want an answer" He says indifferently, absolutely no emotion showing on his face right now.

"Naomi" That is all I need to say.

I was expecting some outburst, but instead he's laughing, I frown at him, "You really are a stupid bitch aren't you?"

"Excuse me"

"You heard" He laughs, licking his lips bitterly, "She doesn't want you, if she wanted you she'd have had you after you two slept together" I take a sharp breath, shocked isn't the word right now, "You really think I'm an idiot, huh?"

"No, I don't... I just didn't know"

"You didn't know? What, that I know everything, that I know you slept with her, that you're in love with her, that you always have and probably will. Jesus Emily, credit me with some intelligence"

"Freddie"

"No, my turn to talk now. You think that I'm poor little Freddie, Freddie who you can walk all over, Freddie who will take anything that you spoon feed him and believe. Emily, darling. A complete stranger could tell that you love Naomi, only an idiot would accept your explanation of why she isn't here today" I step back and sit down on the curb, "but do you wanna know the really funny part of this story, huh? You're gonna piss your pants"

"What's that?"

"I've been fucking your sister for six months"

"Wha-"

"Yeah, poor little innocent Freddie isn't so innocent anymore, huh? I've been doing Katie just to get back at you, to teach you a lesson, and you know why? Because you're a fucking bitch, Emily. You've known probably since we starting seeing each other that this was going nowhere, and you wait until our wedding day, in front of all our friends and our family to make a fucking fool out of me. Well you know what, I always expected you to do this, I just wanted to see if you had the courage"

"Fuck you"

"Fuck me? Oh, honey, you don't have to worry about that anymore"

"What about the baby?"

"What about it?" I frown, he softens a little, "I'm sorry about that, I wasn't expecting that little hiccup in my plan, but I will do as much or as little for our child as you want... it's all down to you... now you know the truth"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it"

"Ok, fine... Now I better get back and tell everybody that my wife is now a lesbian and left me for her best friend"

"Freddie" I say softly,

"What? You're sorry? Well I'm sorry, Emily, but that means fuck all right now" He says, turning around and walking back in the direction of the church.

I let out a breath that I didn't even realise that I was holding when he's out of sight.

This is all too much... The tears fall faster, knowing that Katie has been screwing him, I know I've cheated, but she's my sister and she doesn't know about Naomi, at least I don't think she does.

Everything that Freddie has said is still swirling through my head and my heart is beating a thousand times a minute as I walk through the park, Nearing my house.

But suddenly my stomach feels like it's been torn out of my torso. I let out a loud scream as I fall down to the floor in agony, gripping my stomach. The tears are now thick, fat streams that won't end. "My baby" I say, to nobody.

A stranger comes running over, grabbing my hand asking me what's wrong, but all I can say is 'My baby'.

I scream as another excruciating pain bellows through my stomach, I hear another stranger call for an ambulance.

My head starts spinning as another bout of pain starts, my eyes roll to the back of my head as I feel myself fall to the floor, not knowing what's going on when everything suddenly goes black...

******************

(Naomi)

My phone vibrates in my pocket as I'm just starting to write my first paragraph, I look at the caller and smile, "JJ, how's it going"

"You need to come home, right now"

"what?" I ask, JJ panicking which is causing me to panic.

"Now, Naomi. Emily's in the hospital"

"What!?"

"She's in theatre, we think she's had a miscarriage"

"Oh my god, I'm on my way" I hang up the phone, "Mum!" I shout, "MUM!" I shout again a split second later,

"What? What?"

"Can you drive me back to Bristol, Emily's in the hospital"

"I'll get my keys"

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	17. Authors note

Hey guys…. Bad news I'm afraid.

My laptop has just decided that it's going to commit suicide… I'm currently trying to fix it at the minute but it could be a couple of days before I get an update up, I've had to steal my friends computer to post this… I've not disappeared off the face of the earth, I'll post as soon as I can,

Apologies again.

Kirsty


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Seventeen

(Naomi)

My fingers drum impatiently on the chair as we pass another motorway. My mother is speeding, but it's still not fast enough for me to get to her. I need to get to her.

"She'll be ok" My mum says, "She's a strong girl"

"What if she's not, mum?" I ask, looking out the window, feeling a tear come to my eye, "What if she's not. I can't lose her. I'm so fucking selfish, leaving her"

"Honey, you weren't to know that something like this was going to happen, you were doing what you thought was right at the time, situations can change in an instant, don't blame yourself, please"

I can't speak right not. My entire body is overtaken by guilt and worry. My mind is racing with a thousand scenarios, trying to imagine what is going to happen when I get to the hospital, trying to think of what I'm going to do.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I answer it in possibly the quickest time ever, "JJ" I say,

"Are you nearly here? She's just got out of theatre... she lost the baby" My head falls into my hands,

"Shit, is she ok, please tell me she's ok?" I ask, panicking

"She's fine, the doctor said that she'll be asleep for a while, and that there isn't really much point in us staying, she could be out for hours"

"You're not leaving her are you?"

"We're all gonna go get something to eat, we've been here for a few hours, I'll let you know what happens. She's in room 205 by the way, if you get here while we're eating"

"Thanks J"

"It's ok"

"I'll be about fifteen, twenty minutes"

"Ok, see you in a bit" I hang the phone up, my mother looking at me expectantly,

"She lost the baby" My rooms hand reaches up and brushes through her hair,

"She's gonna really need you around now" She says,

"I know... I know" I mutter quietly, looking out of the window again.

It's gone 6pm by the time I get to the hospital. I run up to the desk, asking immediately where room 205 is. The nurse is a tad shocked at my panicked question, but she continues to tell me exactly how to get there. My mum holds my hand back as I'm about to go, I frown at her.

"You need to listen to me now Naomi, ok. Emily is going to need a lot of help for possibly a long time, you need to get your head sorted out, don't talk about anything that's happened over the past couple of weeks, just be there for her, ok? She needs your support, not more stress. Got it?"

"Got it, thanks mum" I hug her,

"I'm gonna go book a motel, give me a ring when you get chance, give her my love" She kisses me on the cheek. As she turns to leave my quickly run to the room.

199, 200, 201, 202, 203, 204... the room numbers blur past me as I make my way to her room. I stop as I get there, peering through the glass, I see Emily, hooked up to a monitor, and my heart aches, my heart aches to help her, to somehow get her out of here, get here away from those machines, take her some place she knows. I open the door quietly, walking in, almost as quiet as a mouse. I look around the room but I don't see anyone.

"Can I help you?" A nurse stood at the door startles me,

"I'm her best friend, Naomi" I say, the colour draining from my face as the realisation of this situation finally hits me.

"Oh, her sister did say that you'd be stopping by"

"Where are they?"

"They went to get something to eat, but they told me to tell you that they'll be back in the morning"

"Oh" I turn and look at Emily, my hand grazes hers and I feel a tear fall down my cheek, "Can I stay with her?"

The nurse must empathise, her tired eyes are no longer stern, they soften as she looks at me tenderly caressing Emily's hand. She smiles softly, "Sure, just don't make too much noise we're not supposed to have people stay past 8"

"Ok, thanks" I manage a tiny smile as a thank you before I quietly pull one of the chairs up to the bed. I lean forward watching as she sleeps peacefully. "Emily" I say softly, the tears start flowing now, "I'm so sorry for leaving you" I say, grabbing her hand, holding it up to my face, "I'll never leave you again, I promise" I hold onto her hand a little tighter, but the limb is just limp, no movement, nothing. I can smell her perfect scent, soap and vanilla, the two most normal things in the world, but when they are on her, they are the most amazing scents in the world.

Simply her.

"Please be ok" I say quietly, the tears still falling. "Please, don't leave me"

****************

(Emily)

My hazy eyes open, seeing lines of light above me. They struggle to focus, struggle to make sense of anything.

Where the hell am I?

I feel dreadfully drowsy. Almost sick. I lift my hand up, trying to get my eyes to focus on something, and it's then I realise that my hand is wet, and a little cold.

My eyes soon start to stabilize, making it possible for me to make out where I am. I don't feel strong enough to sit up, in fact it's taking a lot of energy simply to move my head, glancing around the room. "I'm in hospital" I say to myself.

My voice sounds almost alien, like it came out of another person's mouth. I feel my heart start to pick up as the panic begins. Why am I in hospital?

I look around the room, and that's when I notice her. Naomi.

She's curled up on a chair in the corner of the room, snoozing softly. I feel my heart twinge.

She came back...

She stirs gently, her hand wiping her eyes. Her legs outstretch on the chair, the joints cracking slightly. She slowly lifts her body up and glances around the room, almost as if she forgot where she was also. Then her eyes find mine, staring right back at her. She rushes towards me. "Oh my god, thank god, you're ok" She says, hugging me gently, "I thought I'd lost you"

"What am I doing here?" I ask, and she pulls away frowning,

"You don't remember?"

"No" I shake my head, panicking at what happened. My hands instinctively run across my body, trying to find any wounds. They start at my head and work their way down, until they get to my stomach.

That's when I feel it, there's no wound, there's nothing... nothing. I feel my eyes widen as my heart stops at the realisation. Naomi's starts to cry as she grabs my hand. "I'm so sorry Emily" she says sincerely. I know she is, I know she means it but, I don't feel anything anymore... I feel numb, I feel her hand on mine, but it doesn't do anything, it just sits there limply, trying to offer some form of comfort, but I realise that I'm beyond comfort right now...

I'm beyond everything.

My baby is dead... I didn't even have a name... I didn't know whether it was a boy of a girl... and its then that I get a sudden jolt in the bottom of my stomach. I can't even keep the one thing that would have loved me unconditionally, the one thing that would always have been there... I've lost everything, I've lost absolutely everything.

I move my hand from beneath hers. A lone tear falls from my eyes, slowly making its way down my cheek, eventually landing on the pillow. I turn my head away from Naomi. Staring at the wall.

The tear is cold against my cheek, is startles me a little, but not too much.

"Emily" I hear her, but I'm unable to answer.

It's as if my soul has lifted out of my body, all forms of emotion are now completely gone, I'm just lying there, brain dead, taking everything in, and nothing all at the same time.

I don't even notice as the nurses come in. "Please, you have to help her, she's not talking, she's not doing anything.

They shine a light in my eyes, check my reflexes, have a look at my chart. They deem me fit.

"It's to be expected... she's had a traumatic experience. She may be suffering from shock"

"What do I do?" She asks, she begs,

"Just be there for her, sit with her, talk to her. We'll get a psychologist to examine her, until then, try to get her talking" The nurses sit me up, talking to me, but I simply ignore them. Trying to get my head around yesterday I was pregnant, and today I'm no longer.

What did I do wrong? Did I kill my baby? Did it not want me?

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End file.
